Drama aficionado: “A little sense of drama makes any misfortune manageable.”

Sagacious student: “I don’t need a soulmate. I’m B.S.E.”

Romantic consultant to anxious roommate: “Think, but don’t overthink.”

Inquiring professor: Are any of you regular readers of “The Yacht Report”?

Enlightened editor: “If you want a man at this school, you gotta date lower.”

Student eating dinner: “I recognize the value in edging.”

Concerned friend: “You’re gonna cry that day no matter what, so would you rather do it while having great sex, or alone in your room after a quasi-date?”

Girl on the phone: “Don’t get married right now!”

Riled-up interrogator: “Name one semi-casual restaurant in Princeton that you’d take a friend-turned-lover to right now!”

Curious Californian: “Hey Siri, what pronouns does the Philly Phanatic use?”

Mom friend: “Okay, continue about your bike accident that I don’t care about.”

Revolutionary: “I truly want to fuck the framework.” Ally: “I thought you were ace, bro.” Revolutionary: “I meant fuck UP the framework!”