Infamous prox scanner: “You know, if you look at it, the math of evolution doesn’t really work out”

Nocturnal wanderer: I always have banger ideas, but when it comes to me I’m like “beep bop boop addiction.”

Thoughtful lover: You know this is quite Hegelian

Aggressively stereotypical Ivy sophomore: “Don’t you love it? This feels like Yale.”

Helpful friend 1: You should become a freelancer Struggling writer: I would rather eat my own eyes Helpful friend 2: That’s a graphic image. Something… different

Psych sophomore: When I was taking psych stats– Cynical senior: What do they teach you in that? P-hacking?

Conspiracy theorist: Where are all the people who were born on 9/11. How come I’ve never met one?

Birthday girl: I feel like of all things, cookies are the easiest to be made by hand

Vegetarian: No one does texture like vegetables.

Person in power: This is your murder lighting.

Queer speculator: What is the color of gay? What do you need me to do to make it gayer? Realistic friend: It’s too happy.

Enthusiastic girlfriend: This is your sigma male moment!