Another dreamerboy: I had this wild dream that you died in a fire, and Coffee Club was planning a memorial service, and I was asked to make a specialty comp lit themed drink for the occasion.

Dreamerboy: Last night I had a dream that we were parting ways, never to see each other again, and you held up your hand to me and said “Hey man, grand slam.”

Progressive: It’s weird, because sometimes fascists identify the same problems with liberalism that I do, but then I’m like, ‘Wait a minute, I don’t like you.’

Drama-hungry boss: I could set you up with [coworker]. 21 year-old intern: Isn’t he 32? Boss: So? His uncle is the president of the company.

Guy, finding out he’s been verbatimed: ”That’s the most terrifying thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”

A good old friend: “Okay, we’re going to have eat fast—I have a meeting at 6.”

Former big baby: “I was a big baby.” Former small baby: “Yeah, I see that for you.”

Enamored HUM Student: “I feel like not many books make me feel, but Virginiana Woolf makes me FEEL.”

Professor: “What’s happening in the text here?” Student: “A white woman moment.”

Mom: “Any good April Fool’s jokes at school?”

Film critic: “Channing Tatum is a really good actor.” Friend: “…” Film critic: “I mean he’s really good at playing a big dumb guy who can move.”

Cooked sophomore: “What you’ve gotta understand is that at heart, I’m a hater.”