Tallest man in the world, pointing at a picture of outer space: Would you finger yourself there?

23-year-old roommate: Can we play photo roulette when you guys get back to the room tonight?

Skeptical student, googling: Is Socrates a real person? Skeptical student: *drops the class*

English major, reading the most recent Nass issue: Oh, so the second article they’re publishing is a semester out of date… classic…

American history buff: This isn’t about you, we’re talking about one of our nation’s great founding fathers.

Captain, on the overhead announcements: If you’re from England, congratulations to your soccer team on advancing in the Women’s world cup! British flight attendant, two minutes later: Sorry about our captain, he’s American. He meant football.

Guy on the couch: Shut up, you can wallow at Top Golf.

Boomer coworker: I’m not on Slack, I’m a conscientious objector.

Heartbroken roommate: I just downloaded TikTok to look at a few videos about how to have a friend with benefits.

Beautiful, simple, and delicious server: It’s a shame you’re going to have to undergo double amputation for your shin splints. But hey, maybe you’ll become like an Oscar Pistorius type.

Girl: You’re so much more talkative in Minecraft than in real life. Gamer: This is my happy place.

5 year old: How many hours are in the day? 7 year old: 13 and a half. 5 year old: Oh right.