Dreamer: My favorite meditations are the ones where I’m not conscious

Barista-humanist, to other barista-humanists: Dialing in the espresso machine together is the closest I’ll ever get to Los Alamos.

Excited frosh: First one to have sex in FLIB gets 1000 dollars from me.

Trite Terran: I’m going to be the Isaac Newton of Musical Theater!

Exploitative junior: My sister is a freshman here. We have a great deal going. I buy her alcohol and she does my laundry.

Student: Didn’t the Prince publish that really awful article about that kid with the Filipina maid? It was called, like, “Gloria.” Nass Editor-In-Chief: That was the Nass.

Person wanting trail mix: Let me get in there Person holding trail mix: You know who gets in here all the time without asking? Legacy student: Legacy students

Soft-spoken philo-bro: I’m trying to cut back on the caffeine. 300 milligrams a day was feeling risky. Chatty gay: And how much is in that yerba mate? Philo-bro: Only 200. It’s about the tapering.

Cooked junior: Pre-frosh? You mean high school student. Okay, so I’m a pre-grad student. I’m a pre-father. I’m a pre-dead man.

HUM student: To be frank, I kind of don’t understand the point of science.

Guy in Princeton Squash backpack: If there were a zombie apocalypse I’m not sure I’d be able to keep moving

Girl 1: I’ve been buying so many clothes on my mom’s credit card Girl 2: Doesn’t she mind? Girl 1: It’s okay, I buy smaller things in-between so she doesn’t notice the big purchases when she looks at the statement.