Well-meaning white girl: “I’ve never felt more, like, not around white people. Not bad, just different.”

Frosh: “Where do you report a bully in college?”

Pretentious yoga enthusiast: I feel like if you have issues they’re not of the mermaid variety.

WASP-y Ivy Member: The WASPs are up to something…

Cloister Bro: Do you ever try to figure out if a guy is sexist before you date him? Cloister Bro’s Female Friend: If they’re still talking to me after seeing “feminist” in my Twitter bio that’s a good sign.

Disgruntled south campus resident: Every walk in Princeton is 3 minutes too long.

Student, talking to a potential English major: “Try the starving artist thing for a while, and if it doesn’t work out, you can always be a consultant!”

Staffer of Brotherly Love: “I know nothing about football except ‘Go birds.’”

Text from mom: “Flirt away, my handsome son.”

Anxious frosh guy: “DC? I’ve been to every museum on the National Mall…” Eager blonde: “Well, I’ve—“ Anxious frosh guy: “Twice.”

Sustainable fashion advocate: With micro bangs you’d be the intersection of baby girl, cutie patootie, and little munchkin

Surprised friend: Woah! I thought you were holding Bananagrams, but it’s actually just a banana.