Gym-bro: Creatine makes me so bloated. Gym-bro’s bro: It’s like one of those things if you’re turned on enough you can be into anything.

Super-super senior: I might have to violate the honor code to get one more semester.

Change-maker: Everyone in this fucking school has a sister named Gigi. People need to stop having sisters named Gigi.

Bathroom revolutionary rousing their fellow studiers: Don’t misuse the bidet!

Hopeful student: I mean, an associate’s degree technically counts, right?

Poet with shoulder-length gray hair: I received my quantum physics for beginners book. It crows about the fact that it does not contain math. That troublesome stuff. It’s like reading a list of ingredients on fruit juice and finding it does not have high fructose corn syrup.

Posh & prim boss: Hi there, how are you today Marco?  Marco the Sweat-drenched Serb: Sweating like a whore in church, but I’m alright.

Saddened spirit coming off a summer 9-to-5: I am going to need you all to start saying very funny things very soon.  Friend 1: Why? Friend 2: What do you mean? Friend 3: We’re not entertaining you enough? Is that really all we are to you…mere jesters? 

Sorrowful romantic: Worst case scenario, do you think it’s better to stay single forever or revisit my past? Sensible friend: By “revisit your past,” do you mean get back with your ex-boyfriend?  Sorrowful romantic: I didn’t say that.

Boomer mother, texting son: Hi sweetie. How’s my brilliant, Mr. Rizz doing?

Aging cousin, in distillery: I miss valium.

Health-conscious boss: If you’re gonna take risks with your life, take it with something more exciting than cereal. Daredevil employee, chowing on Coco Puffs: There’s nothing more exciting than cereal.