The student sitting in front of me: I can’t stop farting today.

Leftist: If you look it up, Hitler had a micropenis. 

Overworked therapist: I’m sorry your kid died but I need a break. 

My uncultured friend: Wait. Mick Jagger is a real person?

An angsty 15-year old boy: Every day I shake my fist at the world a little more.

Complit Major: Having French 101 at 12:30 everyday has ruined my social life. 

Russian professor: If I were Napoleon, then I’d be somebody.

The argument-stretcher: The rectum is a grave.

A straight girl trying to make a GBF: He gives like Troye Sivan factory defect.

Some grandma: Armie Hammer would love that

DJ: I feel like I’ve become my parents’ problem child.

Your fellow student: I wanna suck a dick.