Poetry Professor: “There are homeless people in this song. It’s a very physical eroticism.”

Guy asking me to invest $600: “Cryptocurrency is the future!” Me: “I just feel like it is made up.” Same guy: “Money is made up by the government!”

Blondest guy ever: “I like the Nass. It’s like, in between a newspaper and a magazine.” 

Student: “I think my dad is funny in the way that Bill Cosby is funny.”

Crypto Enthusiast: “So what if I voted for a recession?”

Math major: “What’s a constant to a friend?”

Sleep-deprived senior with misplaced priorities: “I haven’t started my thesis yet, but I’ve ranked every bathroom on campus by pee-ability.”

Student talking to another student of the class of 2024: “It looks like your hair has depopulated on your head since the last time I saw you.”

Student after a night at Terrace: “It was annoying talking to him, so I hooked up with him instead.”

Girl: “Multigasm, is that a word?” Boy: “It is now. Ohhhhh, baby.”

Passenger: “You know, you just can’t avoid meeting architects at Princeton…and there aren’t any good ones.”

Freshman who needs to stop saying shit like this: “I feel like I’m the golden retriever of this friendship.”