Over-it: Ah, here it is. The carefully gendered and ethnically balanced group of acne-free Princeton students.
Critical theorist: Where the best pastrami can be found is a major theological debate.
Student: Which school do you subscribe to?
Scholar of the Civil War: We’re not going to bed any fellows that we shouldn’t be bedfellows with. That’s to say, we shouldn’t have a union with slaveholders.
Professor, on Abraham Lincoln: He was an ugly giant. A real nobody. He had a high, ugly voice. He once said, “It’s good I’m not two-faced, cause nobody would want to see two of these.”
Unconvinced junior: You’re talking like you knew him.
Professor: I did. I bullied him in high school.
Females these days: I want to dress pretty and yap. I want something warm inside me. I love men.
Ambitious, hardened woman: I don't want to be up at midnight helping some stupid kids, I wanna be in bed at midnight in my mansion.
Disillusioned by American desserts: There's no taste. It's just something white in my mouth.
Discerning mentor: You should be thankful if you get someone that is 5'6 on Princeton Campus.
Needs help: I can’t tell how tall he actually is because he wears Doc Martens.
Thirsty Nass-supporter: I would be honored to have a verbatim-writing credit.
Has their priorities straight: I want to take a gap year to focus on my aquaponic farm.
Normal guy: I feel like I'm witnessing some kind of masculine pagan ritual right now.
Professor in the streets, verbal veteran in the Sheets: I have used the word "cowed" but I would never recommend it.
Cottage cheese & tinned fish fangirl: I’m trying to eat more elderly people foods.
Scooter-less freshman male: I swear, dude, with all this rain and all these NPCs walking around, I'm going to hit someone on my bike and kill them.
Enlightened empath, currently taking HUM219 Jesus and Buddha: You should always feel bad for stupid people.
Discerning roommate, counseling on matters of love: He’s weird in an acceptable way.
Student, hating on professor : He’s only tall if you measure in how much of a bitch he is…
Student storyteller: I was taking Advil PM and DayQuil and having them fight it out because that’s the only way I could get high at the time.
Slavic professor, probing his students yet again: So I am the prof and I come in here and say you people are so immature. Okay, so, how do you get out of that? Because by trying to show me you are mature, you are going to prove to me that you are immature. Double whammy. I sort of imprisoned you in my set of concepts. It’s sort of like quicksand, the more you try to wiggle out of it the more you get stuck in it.
Depraved, morally-bankrupt girl: Was Jesus a virgin?
Pervert: Mary was.
Depraved, morally-bankrupt girl: Yeah, virginity runs in the family I guess.