Are We a Thing?

April 22, 2017

A Fragile Peace

Commentary on Anna Kimmel’s “you’ve heard it before | you’ll hear it again” and suicide across college campuses

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Women in Philosophy

“How do you turn to an entire field of academia and say, ‘Be better?'”

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90,000 Miles to Nowhere

“It began something like this.”

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TIME TRAVEL

“So she had boarded this train, not sure where to go, not sure how to heal her fractured soul. Her life was stuck at 1:27.”

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ELEUSIS

On normalizing psychedelics at Princeton

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Selling Feminism

“If corporate feminism is the end of feminism, then it is the end of a movement that has been ending for generations—and continues to thrive, most indebted to its harshest critics.”

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Open Letter

“I hardly believe that I am the first to bring this to your attention, but I feel compelled by my allegiance to our university’s mission to ask: why don’t we spend more time talking about dinosaurs?”

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Verbatim

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Overheard at Cap

Gay senior: Guess what fur my coat is?
Gay sophomore: Sea otter or river otter?
Gay senior: It’s fucking mink.

Overheard in Rocky

Woman: I’ve had sex with guys whose dicks were, like, eight tampons.

Overheard at the Disiac Show

Front-row senior: That man is very beautiful but why is he dancing in chinos?

Overheard on the patio of Ivy

Ivy senior: How would you characterize the spectacle that is TI?
Ivy junior: A concrete hellhole in which beer-soaked children grind on one another

Overheard on Whitman lawn

Press Club senior, deciding what music to play: Is it time for some pre-Shabbat hadag nachash?
Former Nass EIC: No, I don’t want to be publicly Jewish right now.

Overheard via iMessage

Journalist 1: It’s spelled GRAY.
Journalist 2: I will only ever use GREY bc I know it primarily as a horse color & Pony Club spells it that way.

Overheard on the Upper East Side

Tween girl: Can I buy a puppy with Apple Pay?

Overheard in Minneapolis

MFA student: I tried being unpretentious, but it didn’t work out.

Overheard at Studio 34

Philosophy bro, probably: If I were to walk around with an armband with a yellow Star of David, people would think I’m insane!
Philosophy bro, recounting conversation with mom: “No Mom, I have a Muslim roommate, you don’t get it!”
Same bro: If a boy from the South decides to wear a Confederate flag around as a symbol of Southern pride... What’s wrong with that?!

Overheard in Whitman

Sophomore Pi Phi, defending her artistry: I am, by definition, a quilter.

Overheard at the CJL

Jew 1: You’d break Passover for fine beer night?!
Jew 2: I already broke it to avoid gay sex!!

Overheard at Terrace

Econ major: My first hookup wasn’t a virgin and I was terrified.
Same econ bro, later: She was from Paraguay.
Annoyed Jewish man: Wow, you’re such an ally to the global south.

Overheard in rare book shop

Self-aware Ivy sophomore, holding This Side of Paradise: I wonder if I can find “breathless and aristocratic” in here... I wouldn’t be mad if you verbatim-ed that.