When it starts to get cold outside, my skin turns red if the wind blows against me for an extended time. The cold air also causes more nosebleeds because my nose bleeds easily when the air turns dry. Another thing that I do easily is sweat. So, even when it is cold, I don’t wear as many layers as I would like to in the mornings because I know I will regret it in the afternoon.
Last year, in late October, my nose suddenly started bleeding while I was on a run in the early morning. When I first felt the sensation in my nose, I thought it was just runny because I was cold. I sniffled once, then again, and then by the third time tasted blood. I raised my hand to my nostril and when I looked back down it was red. The only thing I could do was stand in the road and pinch my nose and wipe the blood onto the sleeve of my black hoodie. I still wear that hoodie on runs since red stains aren’t visible on black.
This year I have been wearing a lot of white, but I used to avoid wearing white, actually, because I was scared of staining it. I still get nervous about stains on white, but the good thing about colder weather is that I have to carry some outer layer with me. Red is a color I always avoid wearing with white, but the other day, I tried on a red sweater while I was wearing a long, white skirt. It reminded me of what one of my high school friends used to say, that the red and white together looked like a “bloody tampon.” Periods themselves are another reason why I avoid wearing white bottoms, but white is a summer color anyway.
On Halloween, I had tomato soup for lunch. On November 1st, I had tomato soup for lunch again, but at a different place and with a friend. The two soups were different shades of red. We sat outside where there was a soft breeze, and the air smelled like figs from the cheese shop across the street. At the table beside us, there were four other people together, about my parents’ age. Under the table hid a small white dog. My friend laughed at the dog, lowering her voice to tell me it would make a good snack for a large bird. I wore white both days and didn’t spill anything on me either time.
On November 2nd, I woke up early and was surprised to see sunlight peeking in from below my blinds. I checked the time on my phone and was disappointed that I only slept six hours, until I realized it was actually seven. I wondered if my roommate would wake up before her alarm too. When I went on a run that morning, I wore the same black hoodie I always wear. The cuffs at the end of my sleeves are loose, so I have to roll them when I wear it now. The following week, I would be running my first race since high school, except this race was longer than anything I did in high school, and I was going to be much slower. A few other runners were outside. Dog walkers too, but they wore more layers than the runners. Two street signs read EINSTEIN DR and OPPENHEIMER LN. I didn’t notice the names of any others. The houses I ran past had Halloween decorations up, some with a few lazy pumpkins posed on the patio while others had inflatables. All of these houses are grey or white, which is different from the neighborhoods filled with red brick houses back at home.
The fall colors were more prominent this time of year: most of September and October were green. Now, there were a lot of orange and yellow and red. The trees were stripped only of some of their leaves, and the brown leaves on the ground crunched underneath my feet. My legs felt heavy, and I was conscious of how hard it was to lift my knees as I ran. I didn’t struggle with breathing until I stopped running, when I felt upset enough at myself for stopping that I wanted to cry.
On the walk back to my dorm, I thought I must be getting my period soon. When I ran for my high school’s team, I lost my period for a few months. My last one came in the summer, when it was hot and sticky outside, and my mileage was increasing each week for the fall season. I knew not having my period was a bad thing, but I liked not having to worry about bleeding through. When I got it again, it was during the start of the new year. In the winter, I was running less because of the cold and because it was the off-season. I used to actually cry about running back then, but at least I was a lot faster.
When I got back to my dorm, I was cold and decided to take a hot shower. With daylight savings, I can run outside in the early mornings, until March, when everything is green again. In the shower, I smell rust and see blood by my feet, circling down the drain. I bring my hand up to my nose, and it’s red.