Unleavened Nass

April 21, 2011


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Overheard by Prospect Garden:

Father, to small child: Son, the key is to study hard. If you don’t do that you’ll end up at Rutgers, and Mommy and Daddy won’t be proud of you.

Overheard in ECO lecture:

Kappa freshman, to Kappa queen bee: Have you been using that new African mango acai supplement? I’m jeal of your rib bones.

Overheard in Cafe Viv:

Asian girl 1, sheepishly: So yeah, I’m in Woody Woo.
Asian girl 2: Oh, okay.
Asian girl 1, defensively: Yeah, everyone is in the department is really intense. [Pauses] I only applied because my roommate applied and she wanted emotional support.

Overheard in Witherspoon Cafe:

Beta bro: [Girl’s name] just stares at me and ignores me whenever I see her at Cottage ... like I jizzed on her eye sockets or some shit.

Overheard at Ivy:

Sophomore Phi Kap: Dude, I’m a Cap member now. I’m above going to Cap, I only go to TI and Ivy.

Overheard in Whitman:

Tower kid: Is that school even legitimate? $300 million endowment? What a joke.

Overheard outside art museum:

Prefrosh 1, bewildered: Wait, how did you get waitlisted at WashU?
Prefrosh 2: I know, right?
Prefrosh 3: Well, I got rejected at Cornell, Penn, and Dartmouth!

Overheard near drunk people:

Drunk girl: So what are you? Are you, like, a player?
Guy: No, I’m not a player. I get that some guys are players and you’re afraid of getting hurt. But that's not me.

Overheard at Wong-Fu Productions meet and greet:

Boy: I wish I was a girl so I could kiss them.

Overheard in Frist:

[Cottage girl is playing the Amalie theme on the Frist piano]
TI girl: What was that, it was so pretty!
Cottage girl: Oh, that’s the theme from Amalie.
TI girl: Oh, I love Mexican music!