The Joel Stein Issue

January 6, 2005

Verbatim

Overheard at a Pike Party

Pike Pledge: Dude, my penis is so small that the only chance I have for pleasuring a girl is to tell a good joke during sex.

Overheard at Marquand

Girl One: Dude, I’m Carolyn the SIXTH. I’m so Waspy that there is an inheritance that comes along with my NAME. It’s a set of fucking portraits!
Girl Two: But I thought you were so edgy!

Overheard on the way to the street in front of Brown Hall

Guy: Somebody’s daughter is getting fucked tonight.

Overheard at Ivy Winter Formal

Guy #1: My date is pretty cute, huh?
Guy #2: I dunno, she looks a little downsy.

Guy #1: Yo, there are so many schools around here within striking-distance.
Guy #2: Yeah, there’s even a mental institution not too far.
Guy #3: We totally need to go. I bet those chicks will do anything.

Overheard at Terrace

Girl: You know it’s bad when the only thing keeping you from jumping out that window is your fat ass.