Roses Are Read

February 14, 2014


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Overheard in JRN 240

Professor John McPhee: When I received my first 5000-word assignment, I was literally floored. I laid down on a floor.

Overheard in Whitman Dining Hall

St. A’s sophomore: Every time I hear a Triangle member loudly compliment another Triangle member, I’m ready to be raptured.

Overheard in Pyne

Theta expatriate: He said he couldn’t hang out because he had to study for his job at Bubba Gump Shrimp Company.

Overheard in Frist cafeteria

Non-black male: You should take an AAS class!
Black female: My life is an AAS class.

Overheard at Ivy

Ivy junior: How could someone who has a job at Morgan Stanley be such a fucking idiot?!

Overheard on

Anonymous current student to anxious male prefrosh virgin: So it seems like, based off of my very sketchy calculations, you have around a 6% chance of getting laid, but given that most girls have a type and there is no saying if you fit that type, I’d bring that percentage down even lower to around 3%.

Overheard on New Year’s Eve

Drunk junior girl: I know enough Spanish to tell my maid that she put my clothes in the wrong drawer.

Overheard in Wu

Overeager Alt Freshman: So, I was looking at the A’s website and I found their hidden link and pressed it. I’m so ready for this.

Overheard in Terrace

Bro 1: Them late meal sandwiches got that gluten free bread, ya feel me?
Bro 2: Oh, son, I feel that.

Overheard in Blair

PDP member: I refuse to friend the freshmen debaters. They must friend me. Otherwise it messes up the power dynamic.

Overheard in COM class

Professor: This is a literature course. We don’t really care about things like the truth.

Overheard in review session in Frick

Grad student, on digression: I learned that if you are holding hands, electron clouds are just repelling, and your nerves are just reacting to that force. So I guess that means... I’ve never touched anyone. Also I’m married to a physicist so there is no romance in my life.

Overheard in Blair

St. A’s sophomore: I could honestly divide Ivy into people I would fuck or kill.

Overheard in Terrace

Senior Terran: I’m not inviting you to live on my commune when I’m older.

Overheard in Frist

White boy: Maybe we could get tickets to the African thing.
White girl: Disiac?