Retired Eyes

February 21, 2013


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Overheard at Shabbat

Future Bridgewater employee: I just had a moment where I realized how glad I was to be white.

Overheard at Terrace

Dude: If it’s covered in chocolate who cares if it’s a dick?

Overheard at Terrace

Ivy sophomore, screaming: FUCK, I WANT A HOAGIE.
Nass staffer: Do you have any cash?
Ivy sophomore, even louder: I would, BUT I SPENT IT ALL ON LUBE.

Overheard in Frist

Math major, to other math major: Padding your GPA with Econ classes is like beating fourth graders in basketball.

Overheard at Late Meal

Butter-covered Terrace sophomore: If you get anywhere near this ass it’s gonna be danger.

Overheard at a Nass meeting

Nass Freshman: Anyone here on a varsity team?
Frist center: [dull hum]

Overheard in Forbes Dining Hall

Girl, near-hysterical: You’re in Cap now, baby, nothing else matters anymore!!

Overheard in Forbes

Bathroom Nazi, to roommate: Fuck, man. Did you shit in the toilet again?!

Overheard at Ivy

Boy: Charter’s really beautiful... If there were no people there, I’d go.

Overheard in Pyne

Tower senior: We’re letting in 70 Indian kids. I’ll never speak to any of them.

Overheard in Mathey

German freshman: I vud like to know more about Monica Levinsky.

Overheard at Sunday Mass

Girl 1: She is such a bitch.
Girl 2: Jesus, you can’t insult people in church.
Girl 2: Well, you just used the Lord’s name in vain.
Girl 1: Yeah, but you insulted a real person.

Overheard in Wu

AEPi Sophomore, inscrutably: Yeah girl you all about that forbidden fruit life.

Overheard in Math Alive

Adjunct professor of Mathematics: So the question is, how many peo- ple are you going to date in your lifetime? But don’t ask a math- ematician that question because the answer is 0, or 1 if you’re lucky.

Overheard after initiations

Inebriated Ivy member: I was the most popular person at PMC.

Overheard in The Daily Princetonian

Quad Officer: We’re a pretty popular club on the street.

Overheard at Ivy

Member: I mean, it’s not hard to become a senator.

Overheard in Foulk

Tigertone: I get more head than anybody I’ve ever seen before.