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September 23, 2004

Which Starlet Are You Most Like?

Hillary Duff’s gonna be SOOO mad

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“Fair Game”

As the presidential election nears, many Princeton students have no doubt been scrutinizing the candidates’ respective stances on the issues, trying to figure out whom to choose.

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Matchmaking Made Easy

Everyone scanned the hundreds of pages this summer, gawking at deceivingly attractive photos and making fun of people’s interests. The freshman class, however, was the class to use thefacebook.com in an entirely new way- to scope out their future classmates, roommates, and potential boyfriends.

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The World According To Wes

Though Christmas is still months away, already the anticipation is killing me. While symbolically and in my heart Jesus is coming, the new Wes Anderson movie also approaches, in literal reality, throughout actual movie theaters across America.

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Collara

Cigarettes come with a Surgeon General’s warning on the carton. There is a disclaimer at the end of every Cialis ad. The honorable Miller, Budweiser, and Absolut Vodka companies remind us to only drink responsibly. But men, look into your closets.

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The Hustle Primer

Examples of hustles perpetrated on culture.

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In the Long-Ago Days of Reagan

The year 1992 seems deceptively recent until one realizes that whole twelve-year-olds have been put together since then, built molecule by molecule into a generation of giggling girls and shaggy-haired boys not quite young enough to be my children but shockingly close to being old enough to have children.

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On Unpacking My Record Collection

One of the most important things my father taught me was how to handle a record.

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Verbatim

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Overheard in Dillon

Guy 1: So I just started dating this girl and it's her birthday; what should I get her?
Guy 2: Well the thing is that with a longterm relationship you can give her something you know she could use, but with a girl you just started dating...well, you have to give her something beautiful, but useless.
Guy 1: So where would I find a useless object of beauty... besides Cottage?

Overheard at Frist

Girl: I can taste the nonfat in this.

Overheard outside Ivy

Ivy Bouncer: Teddy, you just missed it [indicating Theodore Wildman van Beuren '05].
TWvB: What, man?
Ivy Bouncer: So, this girl just comes up and she's like "I have a piercing, can I get in?" And I'm like, "Where's your piercing?" The girl is wearing this short skirt, right? She lifts it up and then pulls down her panties... I let her in.

Overheard outside Firestone, between two Graduate Students

GS1: I'm on the paloeozoic diet.
GS2: What's the paleozoic diet?
GS1: You only eat things that paleozoic man could have eaten.

Overheard from gay dude on phone with a female friend

So I didn't know the name of the guy I had just fucked. So I was like yo dude, dude, you have to leave.