Mad Nass

March 28, 2013


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Overheard in Witherspoons

Dejected frat star: I just feel like everything about me screams “sidekick.”

Overheard in a Prince interview

Machine Gun Kelly: Like they were like “You’re booked in Iowa,” and I’m like “Fucking Iowa, what?” But then it was sold out, and they had like, CO2 shooting from the ceiling during the performance, even the fat girls were hot there, it was nuts. Yeah, that was my shit.

Overheard in 1879 Hall

Enthusiastic PHI grad student, heard through office door: Set fire to the hills! A new day dawns!

Overheard outside Ivy

Theta sophomore: OMG FIREMEN! They look so hot. Can we go talk to them?

Overheard on Prospect Avenue

Cap member, looking at Cottage: Is that Cap?

Overheard in Woodrow Wilson School email to seniors

Writing advisor: If you need some clarity on abstracts and introductions, you might Google “difference between abstract and introduction” or something similar, and you may find some useful resources.

Overheard in the slums

Tower senior, inquisitively: In a lineup of 50 dicks, would you recognize your own dick?

Overheard in Frist

Shere Khan male: When I have my 21st birthday party, the whole street is going to be closed.

Overheard in Newark Airport

Martha’s Vineyard homeowner: I’m easily the best vacationer you know. I’m really good at taking vacations.

Overheard in Butler basement

Freshman 1: I have to show you the hottest room.
Freshman 2: You mean guy?
Freshman 1: No,’s a quad. Literally all the roommates are hot. I found them on the Orange Bubble.

Overheard in ethers of the internet

Wise man: Life is just about finding someone to sit in a trench with you and jack off, as you lose the war in the background.

Overheard in the New Yorker

ΚΑΘ Hater: In Stage 1, the brain emits what are known as theta waves, which are slower and more regular than the waves emitted by a brain that’s awake.

Overheard in Butler

Nass staffer: Bitch, don’t kill my vibe.
Ivy sophomore: Isn’t that a Rihanna song?

Overheard on Prospect Avenue

Orange Key tour guide: Here are all the eating clubs. I’m not going to tell you which is the best. But shhhhhh, if you don’t tell anybody, Tower is the best ‘cause I’m in it.

Overheard in Whitman courtyard

Girl, happily: The guy who punched me in the teeth called me really pretty.