Larval Monarch

November 8, 2012


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Overheard at College Republicans meeting

College Republican: I’ve never actually seen MSNBC.

Overheard in ECO lecture

Professor: Why do people buy gold? It’s not because you want to enamel your dining room with gold.
Pi Phi Junior: You don’t know my friends.

Overheard in Ivy

Plebe 1: Are you royalty?
Plebe 2: Like landed gentry?
Archduchess, to plebes: No, no, no—landed gentry? Pshhh ...

Overheard in RoMa dining hall

Girl, to other girl, about attractive boy: He looks like the protagonist of a young-adult novel.

Overheard in Mathey College Office

Receptionist, on phone: Your password is ‘kiddies.”

Overheard in RoMa dining hall

Contemplative sophomore: Blowjobs would be so much better with butter.

Overheard in the gutter

Nass junior: If you have to purse your lips to give a blowjob it’s not a big dick.

Overheard on the Street

Girl, referring to debate: Obama killed it last night.
Friend: Really? I heard Romney was good.
Girl: No, definitely Obama. Look at the New York Times, every article says he won.

Overhead near bitchass

Pre-med bitchass: You other people don’t understand how pre-meds’ minds work. I have to be studying every second.

Overheard in Whitman

Sophomore girl #1: What if you could get pregnant from making out?
Sophomore girl #2: Oh my gosh I’d be soooo pregnant right now

Overheard in room

Guy that Nass writer’s roommate brought back: Babe, it’s fine. Your roommate’s totally asleep.
Nass writer: (awake, with the lights on)

Overheard at the Hamptons

Pi Phi Junior: I like when I see ugly Thetas at the airport.

Overheard in Frist

Jilted junior, on phone: I don’t get it. Given my pedigree and background, I should have been admitted into the club!

Overheard at Nass meeting

Editor-in-chief, seeking photography staff: Who takes photos not on their iPhone?
Freshman: I do.
Business Manager: ... do you use your Android?

Overheard in WuCox servery

Girl looking at garlic knots: Oohhh, I love these!
Dining hall worker: No you don’t. It’s psychological.