Fifty-First States

October 18, 2012


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Overheard on Prospect Ave

Inquisitor: Are orgies legal?

Overheard on Twitter

Mitt Romney, announcing contest: Enter today and you could win a guitar signed by Kid Rock and Paul Ryan.

Overheard in Nass inbox

meghann: Hey ! I ended up seeing your personal image on Facebook. I like you a lot. We should chat ! I could send you my image if you want ... Hugs and kisses

Overheard on Street

Ivy senior, of large Cannon bouncer: I wanna stick a pin in him and deflate him.

Overheard in Crusty Corner of Forbes College

Whiteboard: Corey, this is an intervention. Your aggressive, seemingly perpetual barrage of masturbation has become not only a distraction, but a downright cause for concern. Clearly you have the forearm definition of an olympic lifter, but that is beside the point. Your sheets are literally solid from semen-induced crustiness. Your tube socks contain more DNA than sweat. God knows you don’t have any underwear that are nearly close to being wearable. Please, turn off the hentai; go take a hike. Less bukkake; more basketball. Forget the Latinas; attend your lectures. We’re here for you. Pull your pants up.

Overheard in Frist

Plastered tall unsufferable dude: I like to make guttural noises so people don’t know if I’m working out or having sex.

Overheard at writing hours

Nass staffer: im getting kind of worried because im still hanging out with a lot of the people i hung out with during frosh week.

Overheard on the Street

Potential Woody Woo major: I’m not going to Terrace because you can’t get marijuana smoke out of cashmere.