Danny Eisgruber Take Me To Prom

May 4, 2015

Run

Exercise—the thesis research of the future.

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The Princeton Life

Throughout my first year at Princeton, I’ve felt haunted by a specter of inadequate productivity.

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All American (Anti-) Hero

In the third episode of Netflix and Marvel’s new superhero show Daredevil, a man crushes in his enemy’s face by repeatedly smashing it with a bowling ball.

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Midpoints

I spend this most recent Passover with my mother’s closest friend from high school and her family for the first time.

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Freshman Reflections

There’s something about everyone having their bedrooms right next to everyone else’s. It doesn’t create a sexually charged environment per se.

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Neighbors with Nazis

Fernand Lépinay is a friend of my grandparents who lives outside of the small town of Laigle in the rainy Orne department of Lower Normandy.

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Verbatim

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Overheard in HIS 367

Professor William Jordan: It’s filthy stuff, but it’s witty filth, which makes it fun to read, unlike the Daily Princetonian. I’m just kidding, I love the Daily Princetonian. I don’t have a cat, but if I did I’d use it for its litter box.

Overheard in Terrace

Senior Nass-er: Marxism is kinda like the Velvet Underground.

Overheard in POL 393 Precept

Student: So I’m a big fan of authoritarianism.

Overheard en route to the Street

Senior girl 1: We’re going to get to Cannon and no one is going to be there.
Senior girl 2: That’s the ideal scenario.

Overheard outside WaWa

Stoned Frenchman, eating a sandwich: Oh my god I just had a revelation about Kant.

Overheard in Ivy

Pi Phi junior: Why does everyone say that violence is a turnoff?

Overheard on Witherspoon Street

Banker bro: I said Stefan? Stefan? Stefan? I can’t eat falafel in a suit, you know me.

Overheard on the Street

BodyHype senior, to junior: I think you’re the kind of guy to go to war and come back with a Vietnamese wife.

Overheard in Frist

Young journalist: I don’t know how I feel about a dick pic I don’t have an emotional connection with.

Overheard in EEB 311

Professor: I just don’t understand sexual foot fetishes. I mean, my wife has beautiful feet, but there are other parts that are more interesting.

Overheard in Studio 34

Girl, in earnest toward two Indian-America guys: You two look objectively similar. I’m not racist. I just find racist humor to be really funny.

Overheard outside an eating club

Junior: Can you prolapse a vagina?

Overheard in Terrace

Yale-bound physicist: Male peeing is more virtuosic than female peeing. It takes more forms.

Overheard in ECO 332 Lecture

Professor Daniel Rees, pointing to a map from weedfinder.com in his lecture slides: As you can see, you can’t swing a dead cat in Denver without hitting a marijuana dispensary.

Overheard in Terrace

Senior, dancing to Drake: I was hype man for a recipe.

Overheard in the Prince

Portuguese department representative German Labrador Méndez: Spanish is really getting important in the States, especially in real life.

Overheard on Skype

Senior male: The Sufjan album is so fucking good but it also makes me want to kill myself. If it had come out in 2011...I would not be here with you today.