Christopher Eisgruber

April 26, 2013


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Overheard in Holder

Mother, to small child in stroller: It’s not a palace. It’s called a
residential college.

Overheard in a Vis Arts student critique

Conceptual sculptor: You seem to struggle with the “stool-ness” of the stool.

Overheard in Terrace

Ivy junior: I smoked and did some lines and now I don’t know whether to be hyped or chill. I’m like Nietzsche and the Second Dilemma.

Overheard in Forbes

Freshman girl: I went to this talk about David Foster Wallace.
Prefrosh, smugly: Oh yeah, he teaches here.

Overheard in the slums

Ivy senior: He’s trying to be a doctor. That’s such a “minority” thing to do.

Overheard in the slums

Theta senior: I swear to God that I did not ctrl-f “dumpster”; I’ll admit that I did Google “dumpster sluts.”

Overheard at a press conference

President-Elect Christopher Eisgruber: One of the best things about being president-designate is that I will no longer have to explain what the job of the provost is.

Overheard in ART 242

Engineer: Is drawing different from painting?

Overheard in Wilcox

Male grad student: I’m gonna have a PhD! Get at me boys!

Overheard in GER 102

German instructor: Can you locate Checkpoint Charlie on this map of Berlin?
Student: Is that a restaurant?

Overheard in Blair Hall

Long Island sophomore male: I didn’t know any black people before I came here.
California sophomore male: Jesus! We had like four of them.

Overheard on a ListServ

Shere Khan member, on record release party: We’ve been practicing singing, and no one is getting PMC’d this time.

Overheard at Alexander Beach

Girl, looking at tent for Eisgruber reception: OH! That’s Eisergruber... Iregoober... Eisgoob...

Overheard in Cap

Theta junior: I just don’t really like when they play rap music. I can’t relate to it. It’s not my fault I didn’t start from the bottom.

Overheard at a poetry reading

Matthew Dickman: How many people here like to do drugs? Anyone? No one?
Chang-Rae Lee: *raises hand*