Bicker Makes Me Snicker

February 8, 2007

Letter from the Editors

We here at The Nassau Weekly love to hate the The Prince. Yet as the events surrounding the Printsanything scandal unfolded, we found that even our cold hearts were moved to sympathy. Sure, the Gaily Printsanything made us all shudder … Read More

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Pictures of Michael’s Kin

1. Mother. She must be. I think. Hands are folded, mouth is folded, below a collapsible razor nose. But that was before that type of folding razor, and my mother wouldn’t have had one for a nose, anyway. The eyes, … Read More

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Not Strange Enough

It is the secret dream of every science fiction writer to create his own religion. There is, in fact, one writer who actually succeeded: L. Ron Hubbard, author of such sci-fi paperweights as Battlefield Earth and Mission Earth, created Scientology … Read More

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RIP Augusto Pinochet

Frankly, I hope he rots in hell. There is no figure more odious than the man who supplants democracy with tyranny. Augusto Pinochet sailed into power on the crest of the military coup d�etat that threw democratic President Salvador Allende out of office and into a coffin.

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Exclusive Interview with Freeman Dyson

Interview: Tim Nunan and Freeman Dyson April 29th, 2006, approx 1:15 PM – 3:45 PM Institute for Advanced Study, Princeton, NJ If there is truth in the adage, soon to be spouted at open houses by humanities professors, that you … Read More

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Hal v. Hal

Dearest IV,
American poet Carl Sandburg called TV the “idiot-box.” This is the only thing I learned in 5th grade. Now I think Carl Sandburg is an idiot-box. However, the fact remains that television is a thing oft-maligned from every quarter.

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Girl Gone Wild

What deranged group of people would spend its entire vacation taking a course where the requirements include standing in or near a below-freezing creek for hours, and later learning about ailments that range from entopic pregnancies to patella dislocations to … Read More

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Combing through the Dogpile

Alpha Dog, Nick Cassavetes’s new guns-‘n’-posses yarn, is predictably bad. That is to say, it fails where one might expect it to fail: cuts are alternately languid and meth-fueled, the dialogue stilted or overly gangish. In case you’re wondering, Justin … Read More

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Amo, Amas, Ahmed

When Ahmed was born those twenty or so years ago, the world was taking a piss. His mother screamed in agony as his overlarge head forced its way out of her vagina. His father, preferring oblivion to the messy, bloody process that is birth, smoked himself retarded outside the whelping chamber.

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Verbatim

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Overheard in Nass Office

EiC Emeritas: They are such cunt buskets... such dumb dumb dumb dumbos.

Overheard in Holder

Girl: I can't sleep when there's fat on me.

Overheard on the train from London to Bath

Cockney Dude: No, you cannot eat my chinchilla! ... It's like a cross between a rat and a pig.

Overheard in Little

Sophomore: Man, it would suck if birds were like piranhas. 'Cause the only thing that saves us from piranhas is that they're fish. But what if they were birds, what then?

Overheard in ENG 382:

Prof. Muldoon: What is a seminar? ...seminary?
Senior: Does it have to do with religion?
Muldoon: It has more to do with semen.

Overheard on telephone in Bloomberg Hall

Student: I hate to break this to you, Mom, but I'm not good-looking enough to get a girlfriend.
Mom: Now, honey, you know that's not true. You are quite a handsome young man.
Student: Well, of course YOU think I'm handsome, Mom, you're my mother!
Mom: That's not true! [pause] I thought you were pretty ugly when you were thirteen.