A Shroom of One’s Own

April 28, 2019


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Overheard in Frist

Woke PTL philosophy major: The patriarchy is IN Frist.

Context: Overheard outside 1879

Intellectual 1: Dude, how many light years away is the nearest, like, gas station?
Intellectual 2: Like, several?

Overheard in the East Asian Library

Girl at front desk, loudly: My grandma was like, “You’re next” and I was like, “Sure. Keep waiting, Grandma. Not happening.”

Overheard at an eating club

Sophomore man, after being invited to dinner at Winberie's: Is this a fancy place? Because I have khaki shorts in my bag…

Overheard at Passover Seder:

Junior SHARE peer, on 17-year-old Billie Eilish: That girl is SO thicc!

Overheard on GenderEquality listserv

Girl: Hello, Can you please remove me from this listserv? Thanks.

Overheard while sharing break-up stories

Girl, describing stoic ex-boyfriend: He should have been fucking sobbing because I'm a delight.

Overheard at an eating club on Easter Sunday

Senior man: Jesus was probably a Chi Phi.

Overheard in art history class

Anthropology junior, to professor: I really like your shirt today.
Professor, bewildered: Thank you. [Pause. Then, half-laughing and bringing hands to face.] I don't know if this is something you should say to a professor. It makes me blush.

Overheard outside Walker

Exasperated girl: I went to four post offices today and had to take six Ubers.

Overheard in the Joseph Henry House

HUM student, in a precept about Nietzsche: "There should be no shame in relishing the kill."

Overheard in 1879 Hall

Preceptor, skeptically: Is a human being the same as a person?

Overheard in writing sem

Freshman who's just over it: I just don't understand what a local motive is.

Overheard in Lewis Library

19-year old: Yeah, I would definitely get with a 70 year old.

Overheard at Terrace

Terrace shaman: I organise the carbonated water in my fridge based on level of carbonation -- there’s obviously a difference between lightly carbonated, mid-carbonated, and highly carbonated water.

Overheard at Cottage lunch

Person #1: You can get your stomach pumped, but you just can’t unsmoke a Tide pod.