When you hit the fro-yo stand at the mall, your usual flavor is:
A. Saffron Mint Oscar Wilde Chip (and what I would give to see you go at that creamy-creamy with those fulsome lips of yours…)
B. Rainbow Sherbet
C. Don’t matter just put on lots of gummy bears and pepperoni if you got it.
A cute guy starts to hit on you at a hot LA nightclub. You:
A. Ask him if he’s “into Gide”, then do a line off a Balinese orchid petal and continue to talk about Gide for about 45 minutes.
B. Keep smiling and let your cleavage do the talking while you wait for your swarthy boyfriend to show up.
C. Blast his face with foul beer breath as you tell him that “dishwater blondes do it better”.
If you were asked which period of history you’d live in if you could choose, you’d answer:
A. “17th Century Holland, probably Delft.”
B. “I feel so lucky to be living right now. It’s such an exciting and important time, especially for young people.”
C. “ Good thing I didn’t miss my period this month, ‘cause that asshole is history. Messy breakup, don’t ask.”
Your favorite Sunday-night series on HBO is:
A. Who has time for HBO? You’re still working your way through Antonioni’s oeuvre.
C. The circus one?
If your vagina could belt out one hit song, it would be:
A. Probably something by Nancy Sinatra. You like her style.
B. Definitely not any of that Hillary Duff bullshit.
C. “Black Hole Sun” by Soundgarden.
You’re pulled over for speeding and can’t afford to get another ticket. Three hours later you’re:
A. In a motel room, fixing your makeup in the mirror while the cop lies in bed smoking a cigarette, vaguely disillusioned but proud nonetheless.
B. In a motel room, fixing your makeup in the mirror while the cop lies in bed smoking a cigarette, grinning.
C. In a motel room, fixing your makeup in the mirror while the cop lies in bed smoking a cigarette, staring at the bruises on your thighs that he hadn’t noticed before.
HOW DO YOU ADD UP?
Mostly A’s: Scarlett Johansson
Mostly B’s: Lindsay Lohan
Mostly C’s: Thora Birch