A prominent alumna by the name of Susan Patton
Sized up the campus dialogue and chose to throw her hat in.

A girl, she wrote, should take great care in choosing whom to marry.
She must not tie the knot with random guys Tom, Dick, or Harry.
The only people “worthy” of a Princeton lady’s heart
Are gentlemen with Ivy League degrees to show they’re smart.

And so, she said, on top of sems and ISC and HUM,
A freshman girl should concentrate on searching for a groom.
For everlasting woe awaits the woman who gets hired
But doesn’t find a beau before her “shelf life” goes expired.

When Patton’s column hit the web, the comments page exploded.
A school that still holds “cane spree” thought her views were quite outmoded.
The press said Patton thinks the path to feminine success
is not AB nor BSE but rather MRS.

The critical reception took Ms. Patton by surprise.
“I’m just a Jewish mom,” she said, unwilling to revise.
She stressed her thoughts were meant as harmless motherly suggestion
(no matter that they gave Anne-Marie Slaughter indigestion).

I think that most of us would not consider so imprudent
A mom imparting Patton’s life advice to her own student.
The catch is that, as anyone with sisters could foretell,
The mother’s teenage daughter would respond by raising hell.

So anyone who gives advice as if to their own child
Should reckon with their audience becoming just as riled.

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