Geographically inept freshman: Why don't you have a southern drawl?
South Dakota native: I'm not from the South.
Theta junior: We need to take a moment to talk about Timothée Chalamet – he's so hot!
Theta soph: Wait, let me tigerbook him.
Frosh starting tech week: Do you ever get blueballed but like emotionally?
Guy walking out of Tower: Fine, go to Charter Friday. Fine, hate yourself. It's fine.
Frosh to friend, describing problematic male: He just mansplains a lot.
Friend: I kinda like that though.
White girl: This tastes like bug spray.
White boy, matter-of-factly: Yeah, that's just IPAs in general.
Frosh to friend, preparing for their first Princetoween: Nooo, I don't wanna be slutty Harry Potter!
Lonely frosh: Tell me why these curly fries are the only constant in my life right now.
Prospective study abroad student: Does Norway even have religion?
Their friend: Uh, yea. Norse mythology. Thor.
Previously Verbatim-ed Sophomore French Student: *coughs*
Professor: "Be careful, or you'll be back in the Nassau Weekly."
Nass Sophomore: There's this girl writing about climate protest music.
Non-Nass Sophomore: That's so college.
Senior man crushing junior woman's dreams: He's not athletic; he's in Wawa United.
Cannon Junior: Why does eduroam work better here than in my room?