Girl: All my life I prayed for boobs. And God gave me boobs. But then He made butts come into fashion. I forgot to pray for a butt.
Fitness betch 1: Have you ever tried Flywheel?
Fitness betch 2: Oh girl, ALL the women in my family BELONG to Flywheel. Happy Women's Day, bitches.
Freshman boy #1: Wawa is practically the twelfth eating club.
Freshman boy #2: Are you talking about Wawa United?
Freshman Tigression: Her birthday is tomorrow?! No way. She can't be a pisces. That makes no sense. We have to do her chart.
Preceptor, after delivering a lengthy explanation: So... is that clear?
Sophomore snake: Not at all, but I know you're trying your best.
University Press Club Member: Michael Cohen would be fine if people just appreciated that he's a weirdo.
Sophomore girl: I don’t think I can be attracted to someone I’ve been in precept with.
SWUG heading to a thesis meeting: I am going to commit sudoku.
Other SWUG: Sudoku?
SWUG, late to thesis meeting: Seppuku.
Terran 1: The Honor Committee is really just an elaborate form of surveillance.
Terran 2: I should join the Honor Committee. We need someone on the inside.
British freshman, who’s just like, over it: Ugh, the war in Yemen has really ruined my summer plans…
Young Terrace officer: Sometimes old people don't like it when you smoke weed too much.
Kurdish Bro after drinking alone in his room: We need to make a giant army of robot diggers to dig a lake in the Sahara. This could be BIG.
Student: I completed an assignment today that's due in a week. I feel reborn. A metamorphosis.
Former Nass EIC who has recently started lifting: I’ve stopped flexing in front of people because I’ve realized it’s not appropriate.
Fatigued anthropologist: I shall take the universal secondary status of women as a given, and proceed from there.
Burned out premed: We would like to offer you a spot to join our biomedical startup. We don't have a product or a plan or an idea or business knowledge, but we think you would be a great fit for our team.