Overheard in the Bronx

Girl: All my life I prayed for boobs. And God gave me boobs. But then He made butts come into fashion. I forgot to pray for a butt.

Overheard in Lewis Thomas Labs

Fed up lab TA: I fully condone the use of violence against students.

Overheard in Firestone

Shapiro Scholar: I wish I completed things in time to proofread them.

Overheard in Wu

Fitness betch 1: Have you ever tried Flywheel?
Fitness betch 2: Oh girl, ALL the women in my family BELONG to Flywheel. Happy Women's Day, bitches.

Overheard in Wawa

Freshman boy #1: Wawa is practically the twelfth eating club.
Freshman boy #2: Are you talking about Wawa United?

Overheard in a Frist booth

Freshman Tigression: Her birthday is tomorrow?! No way. She can't be a pisces. That makes no sense. We have to do her chart.

Overheard in a finance class precept

Preceptor, after delivering a lengthy explanation: So... is that clear?
Sophomore snake: Not at all, but I know you're trying your best.


Overheard at Terrace

University Press Club Member: Michael Cohen would be fine if people just appreciated that he's a weirdo.

Overheard in Firestone

Confused Frosh: Wait, Jojo Siwa is the senator of Texas?

Overheard outside J Street

Black woman: The media IS racist. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

Overheard in Wilcox dining hall

Sophomore girl: I don’t think I can be attracted to someone I’ve been in precept with.


Overheard in Frist

SWUG heading to a thesis meeting: I am going to commit sudoku.
Other SWUG: Sudoku?
SWUG, late to thesis meeting: Seppuku.

Overheard on a Forever 21 shopping bag

JOHN 3:16

Overheard at Terrace

Terran 1: The Honor Committee is really just an elaborate form of surveillance.
Terran 2: I should join the Honor Committee. We need someone on the inside.

Overheard in Wu

British freshman, who’s just like, over it: Ugh, the war in Yemen has really ruined my summer plans…

Overheard at Terrace

Young Terrace officer: Sometimes old people don't like it when you smoke weed too much.

Overheard in Walker

Kurdish Bro after drinking alone in his room: We need to make a giant army of robot diggers to dig a lake in the Sahara. This could be BIG.

Overheard at RoMa

Student: I completed an assignment today that's due in a week. I feel reborn. A metamorphosis.

Overheard literally everywhere on campus

Former Nass EIC who has recently started lifting: I’ve stopped flexing in front of people because I’ve realized it’s not appropriate.

Overheard in TI

Junior: If you don’t sin, Jesus died for nothing.

Overheard by the fire

Ivy senior: Bicker filters out virgins.


Overheard in a class reading

Fatigued anthropologist: I shall take the universal secondary status of women as a given, and proceed from there.

Overheard in the Edwards

Sophomore Pi Phi: Omg tuna carpacc…? I love tuna carpaccio.

Overheard in Frick

Burned out premed: We would like to offer you a spot to join our biomedical startup. We don't have a product or a plan or an idea or business knowledge, but we think you would be a great fit for our team.

Overheard in Chancellor Green Cafe

Scraggly junior: Structuralism is so hot right now.