White sorority woman: Can we go to Olives? I’m craving chicken salad. I’m really into mayonnaise this year.
WASP: My dad finally got a personal email. Now that it doesn’t have the CEO signature, I don’t even know if it’s him.
After casino night, sophomore girl in front of honey mustard: Really, that’s your guys’ favorite position?
[Later] Same girl, earnestly: Do I have a nice butt to fuck from behind?
Sophomore woman, gesturing to Pi Phi in Van Cleef necklace: Oh, are those the Pi Phi necklaces?
Male Priest: God always intended us to make computers...I firmly believe this, although the initial world he created was perfect.
Offended student: “I thought you were coming over here to hug me, not go to the bathroom!”
High half-Jewish frosh, looking at CJL t-shirt: Does this say “Jewish” in Hebrew or something?
Virgin, on mysterious item in box: It smells like the lubricant we used to lubricate our rifles with in high school.
Other virgin: Just your rifles???
Frosh aesthete boy: We were going to go to a thrift store to get themed clothing for Sunday Funday but we decided not to...
FAB’s friend: Where is there even a thrift store in Princeton?
FAB: Well, we were gonna go to Target. Same diff.
V proper Junior theta: I’m gonna be so done after Dean’s Date. I’m gonna, like, shoot acid.
Frosh girl: What should I wear tonight that’s, like, fun and slutty?
Frosh boy: Wait, is the theme slutty?
Frosh girl: No...that’s just my personal theme.
TI President Emeritus: Fuck, I forgot a fork.
TI President Elect: Hands are just big fleshy forks.
Lovelorn Jewish press club member, about crush, morosely: I don't think she’ll ever come to the CJL.
60-year-old man lecturing wife: You know what they say about selfies...you shouldn’t take them with the sun behind you.
Boy: Hey, do you want a yogurt covered pretzel?
Girl: Ew. No. I hate yogurt covered things. They remind me of cum covered things.
Freshman psychoanalyst: I think he tries to hide his emotions by expressly showing them. You know what I mean?
Friend, befuddled: Umm, no.