He must have been really drunk if he admitted that he was a Mormon.
Girl 1: How much semen is on that futon?
Girl 2: Well, as far as I’m concerned, mean people suck and nice people swallow, and I’m a nice girl.
I’m sort of disturbed by the fact that he uses my computer to look at porn. I know he wasn’t masturbating, but one day he’s just going to snap and I’ll come home to find nut all over my screen.
Guy 1: So, how goes your attempt to adopt a heterosexual lifestyle?
Guy 2: Well, I scratched my nuts, and then I smelled my fingers.
Guy 1: Wow. Six minutes in and you’ve pretty much got everything covered.
Professor Seegers: Have you ever been west of the Mississippi?
Student: How far west is the Mississippi? Oh wait, I’ve been to California.
So what’s the difference between a Kappa and a Theta?
I dunno...um...like, forty pounds?
Oh, I see. ‘Between them’ doesn’t necessarily mean the earth and sky are having sex. That’s just the way my mind works, I guess.
He’s like you, only European.
He’s not like me; I have a sense of humor.
That’s what I meant by ‘European’.
I really want to catch a groundhog and release it in Cottage. But they’d probably just think it was a Chinese kid and beat it up.
The dining room at Tower looks like that place that white trash go for their b-days.
You mean Sizzler?
Is that what it’s called?
I don’t know why my boyfriend just can’t get over it. I mean, Jesus forgave Mary Magdaline when she slept around!
Will you all stop being fucking nose pirates and go to bed, goddammitt?
Would you let Michael Jordan suck your dick?
A mouth’s a mouth, even if it is Michael Jordan’s.
Girl 1: I really liked him, but when he was drunk he kept trying to rape me!
Girl 2: Well, at least he wasn’t trying to rape anyone else.