Overheard at RoMa

Overeager Ivy sophomore: I was literally BATHING in the tea.

Overheard in Walker

Boyfriend: You know how a lot of people cry after sex? I’m one of them.

Overheard at Starbucks

Girl #1: OMG, you should pull the anxiety card.
Girl #2: Well, of COURSE I already did.

Overheard at late meal

Freshman bro: Do they have protein bars here?

Overheard at the airport

2 y/o girl: I need to kiss him!
4 y/o boy: Get her. Away from me.
2 y/o: *blows kiss*

Overheard in the Bronx

Girl: it's crazy how there are so many emojis, but none of them are relevant to me.

Overheard in Ivy

Junior boy: Not all blonde freshman girls in the same friend group are the same!

Overheard in Wilson

Sophomore Bumble user: Wait okay fuck I love that Bumble is feminist and all but like I just CAN'T make the first move. Like that's just not the vibe.

Overheard on the way to Butler

Defiant international student: The metric system is just so much more aesthetic.

Overheard at Gratitude Yoga

Junior who had just finished her first class: That essential oil thing she does at the end almost made me orgasm!!

Overheard in McDonnell

Second Semester orgo pre-med: I still don't understand bonds…

Overhead in Murray Dodge Cafe

First-year suburbanite: My mental subtext is all angst.

Overheard in Firestone New Wing

Terrace senior male: I slept like a baby's butt last night.

Overheard in Scully

Gay male: What’s the name of that gay acapella group?
Former Tigression: You mean the Nassoons?

Overheard in Ivy

Senior girl: There’s more sex happening in nursing homes than on this campus.

Overheard in ARC Seminar

Softspoken VIS student: In general, I don't like sleeping.

Overheard in Cafe Viv

Hopeless romantic: If Jeffers was a religion, I would convert.

Overheard the Thursday before spring break:

Pi Phi junior: I run to one song, and one song only. “Work, bitch,” by Britney Spears.

Overheard walking by Whig

Girl on phone: Yeah yeah I know he wasn't a good idea… *pause* I can't help it, you know what Patagonia pullovers do to me!

Overheard at Cottage

Triple-legacy Southern White Girl: I don't think the athletes deserve to be here.


Overheard in Seattle

Wealthy black '18 alumna: I'm definitely a fauxgressive... I want to live in a white neighborhood and bring down their property values.

Overheard in Israel, after two sophomores order the same sandwich

Girl #1: So what’s your rating?
Girl #2, from LA: On Uber?

Overheard at dinner

Girl describing pick-ups: So I’m sitting there, and my Wheat Thin’s getting sweaty…

Overheard in New York

Texan dude: He's the most Austin person ever. He's been married to a man for 20 years but he votes Republican.

Overheard in Firestone

Former Ivy social chair: I don't know how to express my desire to DJ without sounding like a boner.