Overheard on the phone

Senior man crushing junior woman's dreams: He's not athletic; he's in Wawa United.

Overheard outside Nassau Hall

Exasperated white girl: If your dog looks like a rat, then it is one.

Overheard at Alchemist and Barrister

Cannon Junior: Why does eduroam work better here than in my room?

Overheard in POLStats

Thoughtful sophomore: Jesus would have been a VSCO girl.

Overheard walking to the street

Gay freshman: These poppers are going to be a hit at Terrace.

Overheard in Forbes

Ethnic woman: Is it xenophobic if it’s my own culture?

Overheard at late meal

Asian man, resigning himself to Colonial: I have too many p-sets to do to defy stereotypes.

Overheard at the Iowa Writers’ Workshop

MFA student, offhandedly: Well, when I get my Pulitzer…

Overheard in East Pyne

German Major: Isn't White Claw just spiked La Croix??
Other German Major: You're the reason society is a simulation.

Overheard in Stone

UK Fellowships Applicant: In theory, I always thought I would sell out, but I'm shocked that I haven't in practice.

Overheard by Mathey

Soph 1: I’ve decided we HAVE to go to Oktoberfest this year.
Soph 2: Is that at Charter?

Overheard at Stone

Pre-Law senior: I wanna be a public defender, but I look like an eleven year old.

Overheard in junior seminar

Preceptor, summarizing the field of psychology: You're either anxious or you're depressed.

Overheard in freshman sem

Non-Christian explaining the Reformation: They read the Bible and then some people were like, "Hey, we should dunk ourselves more."

Overheard at Terrace

Ex-Nass junior while stroking his attempt at a moustache: I've gotta say, I think TI is the wokest club now.

Overheard in East Pyne

Deep-voiced man to woman, matter-of-fact-ly: Did you know the Tory has an advice column called 'Ask Anselm?'

Overheard on tour

Orange Key guide: My brother wants to go to Penn. Who on earth has Penn as their dream school?

Overheard between two girls

Girl 1: Oh, that’s my Ukranian name.
Girl 2: Oh, are you Ukranian?
Girl 1: No.

Overheard at Tower

Senior man to Whig-Clio President: The number of stickers on your laptop is giving me anxiety. You're so affiliated.

Overheard at Mathey Dining Hall

Potential Sophomore: I'm going to teach my kid to listen to podcasts at double speed from a young age, so they can communicate better.

Overheard at Nass Open House

Sophomore: I’m a vegetarian but I had six chicken tenders today cause I was hungover.

Overheard on neighboring bro’s computer during philosophy lecture

Google search bar: pascal i think therefore i am

Overheard at dinner

New Englander: I don't even wear clogs that often!

Overheard in Fine

Boy, comparing respective sex appeals: [Man 1, hot] has his own band. [Man 2, lame] is in PURE…

Overheard in a dorm room

TI girls: We can pretend we’ll be Chi Phis all we want… but let’s be real. If we were guys, we are one hundred percent Phi Delts.