Student, hating on professor : He’s only tall if you measure in how much of a bitch he is…
Student storyteller: I was taking Advil PM and DayQuil and having them fight it out because that’s the only way I could get high at the time.
Slavic professor, probing his students yet again: So I am the prof and I come in here and say you people are so immature. Okay, so, how do you get out of that? Because by trying to show me you are mature, you are going to prove to me that you are immature. Double whammy. I sort of imprisoned you in my set of concepts. It’s sort of like quicksand, the more you try to wiggle out of it the more you get stuck in it.
Depraved, morally-bankrupt girl: Was Jesus a virgin?
Pervert: Mary was.
Depraved, morally-bankrupt girl: Yeah, virginity runs in the family I guess.
Clearly a NARP: Sometimes I wish I were an athlete. It must be great to just run around a field occasionally and pretend you’re at war or something.
Star-crossed artist: Born to paint in a small cottage in France. Forced to do COS126.
Proud Irish lesbian: Are you also Irish?
Shameful American lesbian: No, I'm American…
Proud Irish lesbian: Oh, that's okay, we accept you still.
OA veteran: Mandatory affinity group is segregation. That is literally the definition.
Secular folklorist: We should get one of those rooms with a shared bathroom.
Biblical muddlehead: Oh, you mean an Adam and Eve?
Slavic professor probing his students: I am being kind of a jerk here, but that's the point.
Chill-ass chiller, chillingly: Last night was such a fever dream. Everything happened yet nothing did.
Perceptive professor: So many things often feel accidental… like being gay or whatever. Or the Metamorphosis.
Elevator eunuch: I’m not very patient, but I’m also not a walker…especially upstairs.
Brave white woman: Can you stop talking, because I haven't liked anything you've said for the past hour.
Sedatephobic professor: If you’re not talking I’m going to keep talking. I fear a vacuum.
Dreamer: In my dream, my mom sliced my head open with a hammer/knife and then we were running around everywhere, and my head was just bleeding, and I was happy. I didn’t like it.
Beautiful, innocent, sweet, and doe-eyed brunette: Could I please have a steamed lemonade, stud?
Big-boned stallion man: Coming right up, sugartits.
Avid Nass reader: Be honest guys, do you ever make up verbatims?
Nass member: No, noooo….why would we ever do that?
Avid Nass reader, nodding pensively: Sometimes they’re just too funny to be true.
Former HUM student: I want to embrace the Russian tradition of suffering.