Insta-gay consulting sellout: Every guy I've ever had sex with is in my econ class… and it's stressful.
Princeton graduate, thesis prize winner: All my memories I remember in my mind.
Nass contributor: You have a little oppressor living in your heart and her name is Omarosa Manigault Newman.
Girlfriend, to boyfriend, making a move: Can’t we just hold hands like we’re elderly?
Frosh 1: I drank two beers this morning.
Frosh 2: Just cus?
Frosh 1: Yeah.
Frosh 2: That’s sick.
COS grad student: Just keep drinking coffee and writing code. You'll get through it.
Drunk Tigertone: Have anyone ever thought about how beautiful and complex American grammar is?
German major: This university gave me a lot of money for going independent…it's all going to booze and cigarettes. *leaves to smoke*
Freshman 1: Having sex is such a struggle.
Freshman 2: Yeah, and you can't even practice jacking off because of your roommates.
Film German major to Medieval German major: I can give you better depressed films than that.
Junior woman wearing a United Nations hat: As a woman, I could never be with a man that was dumb.