Overheard in Ivy

Ivy senior, on family values: My Thanksgiving dinners are always Michelin starred.

Overheard in Cottage bathroom

Freshman girl: I’d be such a lax bro. Such a dick.

Overheard during Siesta

Insta-gay consulting sellout: Every guy I've ever had sex with is in my econ class… and it's stressful.

Overheard in New York

Princeton graduate, thesis prize winner: All my memories I remember in my mind.

Overheard at Nomad

Nass contributor: You have a little oppressor living in your heart and her name is Omarosa Manigault Newman.

Overheard in bed

Girlfriend, to boyfriend, making a move: Can’t we just hold hands like we’re elderly?

Overheard off campus

Soft gay male: I feel like… I could pass as a butch lesbian.

Overheard in Iowa

Woman: Do you know what Club Penguin is?
Uber-WASP: Is that in New York?

Overheard in the U-Store

USG junior: I'm already blind. I worked in Hollister for two years.

Overheard during Columbia’s orientation week

Frosh 1: I drank two beers this morning.
Frosh 2: Just cus?
Frosh 1: Yeah.
Frosh 2: That’s sick.

Overheard in Frist

Gossiping table: I really forgot how crazy her face was.

Overheard in Friend

COS grad student: Just keep drinking coffee and writing code. You'll get through it.

Overheard in Ivy

Drunk Tigertone: Have anyone ever thought about how beautiful and complex American grammar is?

Overheard at TI

TI junior: I Juuled last week and literally had to go to confession.

Overheard in Ivy

Ivy SWUG, emphatically: Fuck the millipedes, they never gave us anything.

Overhead at Murray Dodge

German major: This university gave me a lot of money for going independent…it's all going to booze and cigarettes. *leaves to smoke*

Overhead in East Pyne

Junior German major: German is one of those languages I wish I knew.

Overheard at RoMa

Freshman 1: Having sex is such a struggle.
Freshman 2: Yeah, and you can't even practice jacking off because of your roommates.

Overheard in East Pyne

Film German major to Medieval German major: I can give you better depressed films than that.

Overheard at Terrace

Senior: Pot is s totally a study drug! I'm still here, aren't I?

Overheard at Cargot

Theta senior: If you get an average little I'm dropping.

Overheard on iMessage

Gentile frosh: Fuck Charter Friday.
Gentile frosh: Shabbat is where it’s at.

Overheard in Ivy

Fashionable Ivy senior: Carhartt is what the working people wear, the commoners.

Overheard at Starbucks

Junior woman wearing a United Nations hat: As a woman, I could never be with a man that was dumb.

Overheard on Nassau

Cannon junior: I don’t think I bickered him. I just bickered a lot of guys named Phil.