Senior man crushing junior woman's dreams: He's not athletic; he's in Wawa United.
Cannon Junior: Why does eduroam work better here than in my room?
Asian man, resigning himself to Colonial: I have too many p-sets to do to defy stereotypes.
German Major: Isn't White Claw just spiked La Croix??
Other German Major: You're the reason society is a simulation.
UK Fellowships Applicant: In theory, I always thought I would sell out, but I'm shocked that I haven't in practice.
Soph 1: I’ve decided we HAVE to go to Oktoberfest this year.
Soph 2: Is that at Charter?
Pre-Law senior: I wanna be a public defender, but I look like an eleven year old.
Preceptor, summarizing the field of psychology: You're either anxious or you're depressed.
Non-Christian explaining the Reformation: They read the Bible and then some people were like, "Hey, we should dunk ourselves more."
Ex-Nass junior while stroking his attempt at a moustache: I've gotta say, I think TI is the wokest club now.
Deep-voiced man to woman, matter-of-fact-ly: Did you know the Tory has an advice column called 'Ask Anselm?'
Orange Key guide: My brother wants to go to Penn. Who on earth has Penn as their dream school?
Girl 1: Oh, that’s my Ukranian name.
Girl 2: Oh, are you Ukranian?
Girl 1: No.
Senior man to Whig-Clio President: The number of stickers on your laptop is giving me anxiety. You're so affiliated.
Potential Sophomore: I'm going to teach my kid to listen to podcasts at double speed from a young age, so they can communicate better.
Sophomore: I’m a vegetarian but I had six chicken tenders today cause I was hungover.
Google search bar: pascal i think therefore i am
Boy, comparing respective sex appeals: [Man 1, hot] has his own band. [Man 2, lame] is in PURE…