Ivy senior: How would you characterize the spectacle that is TI?
Ivy junior: A concrete hellhole in which beer-soaked children grind on one another
Former Ivy member: What do you mean I'm not a champagne socialist? I work for a non-profit!
Tote-carrying soph in fake Birks, yelling: Oh my god you KNOW I love that moon shit! I want my periods to sync up with the moon!!
St. B's senior: Someone once described Cannon to me as a glorified Chili's
COS grad student: Just keep drinking coffee and writing code. You'll get through it.
Self-assured sophomore: I also have to get drunk tonight so I can justify my juul use
Nanny: We can't buy this right now. It's too much money
Six-year-old: It's okay. We'll just get Daddy's credit card.
Frosh 1, on ancestry.com: I'm interested in my heritage.
Frosh 2: You're white as fuck.
Authors’ sign off: Eating Asian pussy, all we need is sweet and sour sauce.
Sophomore Pi Phi: Do you know what a humble Canada Goose is? A MonCler.
Socially curious first-year: I don't understand Pi Phi. Is it just a coven of hot girls?
St. A's Interviewee: People don't think English is hard until I tell them I'm going to law school after.
Junior Editor to managing editor: I just bcc’ed you
I’ve never done that before
I think I need to take a shower
Dramatic Pi Phi, on the phone a month-long boyfriend in Forbes: It's tough, but could we consider this an LDR?
Nass managing editor, screaming: WE WILL NOT BURN BRIDGES WITH DAVID REMNICK
Student to friend, on professor: She teaches stuff fine — she’s not a brilliant mind, but it’s okay.