Overheard on the patio of Ivy

Ivy senior: How would you characterize the spectacle that is TI?
Ivy junior: A concrete hellhole in which beer-soaked children grind on one another

Overheard in SF

Former Ivy member: What do you mean I'm not a champagne socialist? I work for a non-profit!

Overheard in Frist

Upper West Sider: Denying the Holocaust is better than being a moral relativist.

Overheard in Rocky

Tote-carrying soph in fake Birks, yelling: Oh my god you KNOW I love that moon shit! I want my periods to sync up with the moon!!

Overheard in Fine

Kurdish bro: You gotta buy real estate in Syria… that shit's gonna blow up.

Overheard strolling along prospect avenue

St. B's senior: Someone once described Cannon to me as a glorified Chili's


Overheard on NJ transit

Sad boy: The poetry grind never ends.

Overheard in Terrace

Soph boi: I didn't vine but I revined a lot. *pause* ...It's like retweeting.

Overheard in Friend

COS grad student: Just keep drinking coffee and writing code. You'll get through it.

Overheard in RoMa

Self-assured sophomore: I also have to get drunk tonight so I can justify my juul use

Overheard at beach resort

Nanny: We can't buy this right now. It's too much money
Six-year-old: It's okay. We'll just get Daddy's credit card.

Overheard in Whitman dining hall

Frosh 1, on ancestry.com: I'm interested in my heritage.
Frosh 2: You're white as fuck.

Overheard in a fraternity email

Authors’ sign off: Eating Asian pussy, all we need is sweet and sour sauce.

Overheard in the Friend Center

Sophomore Pi Phi: Do you know what a humble Canada Goose is? A MonCler.

Overheard on Prospect

Pre-frosh: Yeah, we just went to Tiger Inn but everyone there was asleep.

Overheard in the Lewis Center

Socially curious first-year: I don't understand Pi Phi. Is it just a coven of hot girls?

Overheard at Murray Dodge

St. A's Interviewee: People don't think English is hard until I tell them I'm going to law school after.

Overheard on iMessage

Junior Editor to managing editor: I just bcc’ed you
I’ve never done that before
I think I need to take a shower

Overhead in a dorm room

Dramatic Pi Phi, on the phone a month-long boyfriend in Forbes: It's tough, but could we consider this an LDR?

Overheard outside Bloomberg

Nass managing editor, screaming: WE WILL NOT BURN BRIDGES WITH DAVID REMNICK

Overheard at Ivy

Ivy Gear chair, venomously: I love seeing people in Gucci slides at Ivy

Overheard in Frist

Pi Phi, future banker: He's totally gonna be successful, he's so white and fat.

Overheard at Wilcox

Student to friend, on professor: She teaches stuff fine — she’s not a brilliant mind, but it’s okay.

Overheard at Ivy

Jewish Ivy junior, sincerely: Quad don’t give no fucks.

Overheard in TI

Junior: If you don’t sin, Jesus died for nothing.