Jaded Younger Sister: You know, when I say that I'm going to fail a test, I actually do. Next time, commit
Is anyone else getting TikToks about the CIA documents about alternate timelines and energy holograms or is it just me?
First Year Girl, to her friend: I shouldn't have gone halfway through the semester before I realized I could get the guys to do my work.
Disgruntled Soph: Literally who let me pick a major when I was constantly stoned because engineering is not where it's at.
Math major: Dude the internet might go down. If the virus gets into the servers…
White Cottage male with an AEI backpack: You can't get coronavirus if you get hit by a car.
Girl, pining for European boyfriend: I would not like to marry a circumcised man
Mother, letting out cry of surprise: Oh!
Authoritative 2D senior: There are actually many Brooklyn based Witches.
Tenured Comp Lit Professor: If you could draw this sentence as a topographical map, what would it show?
Sophomore trickster: I played an April Fool's prank and no one noticed it!
Me: What did you do?
Sophomore trickster: I died the toilet water yellow.
Princeton engineering prof: A lot of autoimmune disorders are because our bodies are bored.
Freshman with bangs on Super Tuesday: Loading up the New York Times. I’m such a liberal cuck.
Party Animal: I'm going to get so drunk tonight...it's Super Tuesday!
Senior: You know what would make a great Nass Article? "I tripped for 24 hours in Firestone: Here’s What I Found."
International Senior: Why are they cooking dogs? It really makes me unsettled. I thought that dogs are only killed for cooking in some places in Asia nowadays. I hate this.