Incoming investment banking summer analyst: Do you think Trump is actually gonna get in trouble for this?
Incoming management consulting summer associate: I don't know, but all the markets are down right now.
Incoming investment banking summer analyst: I wish the Trump Organization were public…I'd short the shit out of it.
White male, wearing cardigan: "I didn't realize that the government affected me until the shutdown."
Sophomore Guy 1: I've got to go to the EQuad to work on my EPICs project.
Sophomore Guy 2: Ah what do you read for that, The Odyssey?
Girl discussing a suspected cheater: I just don’t understand how he can lie that well! He’s either a professional or he’s crazy. [beat] And I mean, his favorite movie is Beautiful Mind…
Anxious man: And I was like, “Don’t theorize me right now. I just jizzed in a Joe Coffee urinal.”
Shrieking sophomore girl: I need to think about this, and I need to think about this HARD… *thinks* … I don’t think I should go for him.
Uninterested friend: I mean, doesn’t he have a girlfriend?
Professor: If you say something is “bad," it has kind of a negative connotation
Girl 1: "Where were we when we first met? Hong Kong?"
Girl 2: "No, I think we were in Bali at that point."
Pi Phi/Ivy senior girl on phone: "Hi there, quick question…do you sell pickled okra?"
Woman 1: So do you have any fun plans for tonight?
Woman 2: My husband’s getting a colonoscopy tomorrow.
Professor, carrying on a conversation from the toilet: “The Quakers, really, have deep imperial ambitions.”
Truth-telling junior boy: Terrace is expensive and woke white activists don’t actually like to do shit.
Manic freshman girl: I just have nothing to concentrate on, so I just concentrate on dumb stuff. Like marrying Rob. You know? Just dumb stuff.
Grandmother: Every time Eleanor bent over to pick up her toothbrush she got pregnant
Econ preceptor: This is a Stata workshop. This is not your room!
ORF preceptor: It is my room, actually.
Theta junior: What’s the word for being prejudiced against gay people again?
Gay junior: Homophobia??
Math major: I think I like boba just because I subconsciously like balls in my mouth