Jew, with glasses: I feel lots of emotions. They're very healthy.
PDP ginger: Do you feel them all at the same time? That's schizophrenia.
Khaki-clad boy: Did you know over half of the college Republicans at this school are Facebook
Freshman: I ate chicken in front of Peter Singer!
Friend: That’s awesome.
Freshman: Right?!
Sophomore girl to another sophomore girl, exasperated: Do you remember what it's like to make friends without having to, like, suffer?
Senior Theta, intensely: If I walk through a cloud of Juul, I DO break out in hives.
USG junior, on the Campbell Crapper: We have equipment in Icahn–let's DNA sequence this shit.
Junior theta: I learned everything I know about Jesus from Jesus Christ Superstar, which means I know a lot.
Autocorrect victim: I’m about to cry just reading Alexandria Occasion Cortex's Wikipedia
Terrace Architecture major, junior: I think I had communist dreams last night, or dreams about communism??
Poet: If I had $100 and could give it to poetry or give it to science…I would give it to science.
Junior, dreaming big: I'm donating 20K specifically so the stalls in the girls’ bathroom can be made bigger.
Concerned parent, mid thought, to son: Did you see what Trump did this mornin—ARE YOU DRINKING COFFEE FROM THE CHINA?!?
Sophomore who doesn't give a damn: I don't know anything about his personality but I know so much about his dick.
Girl: Hey did you see the introduction to bondage workshop? We've been missing out!
Boy: My people were doing that thousands of years ago in EGYPT!!
USG member: I have to leave USG because I'm studying abroad.
Another USG member: You lucky bitch!
Sangria-drinking junior: Wow, it is very much still Halloween on Club Penguin.