Overheard in a dorm

Romantic: The sole remaining balloon from Valentine's Day.

Optimist: And she's still flying, I'm so proud of her.

Romantic: Yea, I murdered all her sisters. I took scissors to them.

You already voted!

Overheard in Frist

Supportive friend: I'm glad to brighten up your day with gossip. And not just any gossip… invented gossip!

You already voted!

Overheard after a prank

Friend who breaks under moral pressure too easily: This is a mark on my conscience that will never leave. These lies have stained my soul.

Prank co-conspirator: … It was just an April Fools joke.

You already voted!

Overheard in 1901

Innocent friend: *gravely* I am the face of evil! *trips over own shoe*

You already voted!

Overheard at study session

Techie: Oh no, my tablet didn't charge!

Friend: Do you have a charger?

Techie: *genuine* You are a genius. I never would've thought.

You already voted!

Overheard in a Nass meeting

Budding philosopher: I was thinking…about how Seinfeld and Kafka were in the same century.

You already voted!

Overheard in the Tiger Tea Room

WASPy Man: When I came here I thought everyone wore, like, sports polos and khakis everyday. Because that's what we wore back home.

You already voted!

Overheard at Terrace

Social justice advocate: Single people are the most oppressed minority.

You already voted!

Overheard on Washington Road

Woman rolling down car window: Excuse me! How do I get to the track meet?

Terrace NARP: Sorry, you're asking the wrong people.

Other Terrace NARP, pointing at nearby students: Ask them, they're all wearing Princeton sweatshirts.

You already voted!

Overheard over dessert

Improv comedian anthro major: If I had a manager and accountant and publicist and personal assistant, I would be so successful.

You already voted!

Overheard in lecture

History professor: “Chiang Kai-shek would not be very happy if he found out that historians are calling his style of suit the Mao suit.”

You already voted!

Overheard on iMessage

Unfunny sophomore: “I’m stoned.”

Unamused respondent: “Cool”

Unfunny sophomore: “As in, I’m in stone. Firestone Library.”

You already voted!

Overheard in Applebee’s

COS senior: “Joseph Kony was misunderstood.”

You already voted!

Overheard on iMessage

Staunch Marxist: “Should I pay my taxes?”

You already voted!

Overheard in LCA

Paper-writing sophomore: “Yeah, so basically my thesis is that all white men just want to be back in the womb.”

White man: “You figured us out!”

You already voted!

Overheard outside McCosh

Eating club president: “I don't think I'm a himbo?”

A friend who knows better: “Honey, if you have to ask.”

You already voted!

Overheard in Whitman dining hall

Confused friend: “Do you think Eisgruber is hot?”

Offended lesbian: *pause* “I'm gay.”

You already voted!

Overheard at Wucox

Hemingway-obsessed student: “In a way, condoms are just baby shoes.”

You already voted!

Overheard in leftist discussion group

Beleaguered former girlboss: “How do I get off the Women in Economics and Policy mailing list?”

You already voted!

Overheard in isolation dorms

Thirsty girl: "I wanna hook up with someone this week. Oh wait, I have COVID.”

You already voted!

Overheard via text

Humanitarian history major: “Well, she has done nothing to me ever, but at the moment I want her to die.”

You already voted!

Overheard in dorm

Class-critiquing sophomore: "There's something anti-capitalist about taking my medication and washing it down with beer."

You already voted!

Overheard over morning grapefruit

Comedic trainwreck: “It's better to be a chill trainwreck than an un-chill trainwreck. And some people pretend to be a trainwreck when they have their shit together. That's the worst.”

You already voted!

Overheard at Frist Tables

Worn-out senior after physics lab: "I don't care about Brownian motion! It's random and that's all I need to know."

Realistic junior: "That's not true. You don't need to know anything. 99% of people know nothing about Brownian motion and they lead happy, successful lives."

You already voted!

Overheard during a Classics Workshop

Helpful reviewer: “I learned Latin in school.” *finger guns*

Classics JP author: “That's so funny because this is Greek.”

You already voted!