Overheard at piercing parlor

Man, to me: You can put your boobie away.

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Overheard in a childhood bedroom

Girl, scrolling through boy's spotify: God, he's [ex-boyfriend] but self-aware, and spiritual. I hate it here.

 

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Overheard in the Car

Dad: Driving is as American as apple pie.

License-less daughter: I HATE APPLE PIE.

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Overheard on iMessage

Prince Writer: He's writing a novel? What's it about?

Nass Writer: I didn't care enough to ask.

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Overheard in Final Project

Exhausted sophomore trying to make a point: Yes, Professor, I realize that murder is sort of a character flaw.

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Overheard in the Kitchen

Bro: She's got the look of one of like six white girls in one of those flocks–you know, the scary flocks.

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Overheard in Creative Writing Class

First Year Writer: Writing Fiction is kind of traumatizing.

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Overheard while high

My mom (with total sincerity): Legal weed in New Jersey isn't a big deal for Princeton anyway, none of you would EVER do that.

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Overheard in my living room

Me: *deep in personal conversation about the meaning of friendship*

Invested Friend: I know you're talking about something, but I kind of want to post an Instagram right now.

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Overheard in Precept after Election

Preceptor: Today we're just going to look at German memes.

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Overheard in Conservative Neighborhood

Optimistic Dem to neighborhood full of Trump Flags: Halloween is over y'all. You can stop scaring the children now.

Dad: What children?

Optimistic Dem: Me, I'm the children.

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Overheard on my doorstep

Disenfranchised international student: I'm all for capitalism, but I can't abide by Las Vegas.

0 2

Overheard in Medieval Studies Course

Grad Student: Most priests back then couldn't have gotten into the Ph.d program in classics at Princeton.

Professor: Lucky for them

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Overheard in Seminar

Tenured English Professor: Last time I dressed up for Halloween, I dressed up as the devil and shoved this dude over the railing.

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Overheard in Seminar

German Professor: To talk about sado-masochism in this book is like talking about aquatic mammals in Moby Dick.

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Overheard in the Living Room

Fool #1: This flavor kind of sucks.

Fool #2: I don't vape for the flavor, just the clout.

0 3

Overheard during procrastinating delirium

Sister 1, scrolling through insta: My phone is literally the devil.

Sister 2, panic reading Vitoria: Which is why mine is in time out.

1 1

Overheard at Home

Girl writing last minute essay: Did you know Thomas Edison electrocuted an elephant just to get the point across that alternating current is dangerous? I hate smart people. They're so dumb.

0 0

Overheard at the Dinner Table

Sophomore on lawn parties: I mean, what kind of artist has to remind the audience that they're in the song at the start of each one?

Sister: D.J. Khalid. Because that's the only memorable part of his songs.

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Overheard in LAS Seminar

Student: The guy who funded Pinochet's coup was also a dedicated yachtsman.

Leftist Professor: Man of many talents!

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Overheard in Guest Lecture

Journalist: I don't understand how science works.

0 1

Overheard in Oregon

Bubbe, I don't think there is going to be a lot of Election Day violence in Long Island.

1 0

Overheard in Chaucer Class

I would rather suffocate on circus peanuts than eat candy corn.

0 0

Overheard while bra shopping

Self-hating English major, to another self-hating English major: You've come up with such creative ways to hate your body.

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Overheard in the Kitchen

Boy eating a subpar ice cream sandwich: It doesn't make me sick, it just makes me sad.

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