Conflicted customer: Fuck you, Walt Disn—oh my god look at those backpacks!
Sly twenty-something: Twelve ladies in the same room. This should get interesting.
Tragic Thrill Seeker: I can't go on most of the rides. I have chronic vertigo.
Overtired friend: You have so much fucked up about you. You're like an onion of fuckery.
Dude bro #1: *screeches*
Dude bro #2: *screeches in response*
Dude bro #1: Echolocation, baby. Works every time.
Junior passing group of drunk girls screaming Teenage Dream without music: Is this a cappella?
Sleep-deprived senior cramming for a midterm: Psych studies in the 50's and 60's were absolutely fucking metal.
Never-been-in-a-relationship sophomore, talking about potential boyfriend: I mean, he's already on my private story so I'm not sure what else would even change.
Tired Econ Major: I got a D on my first midterm, so now I really have to do well on my next ones.
Supportive Friend: Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
Tired Econ Major: Well it was a high D, so it's fine.
Department chair: Henry VIII had 6 wives, all of which he screwed. Terribly, not sexually. Though presumably he screwed them in that sense as well.
Stressed student reading Freud: Kids playing. Aw. I miss being a kid. I miss being a future genius instead of a present disappointment.
Student: We should do poppers to this Deja Vu x Cruel Summer x Getaway Car x Drivers License Soundcloud mashup!
Professor, talking about springs: “If it’s got more mass, it’s not going to boingy-boingy as much.”
Tired SWUG procrastinating her midterm: You know Only Fans? I wanna do something like that but Only Vibes.
Anthro Major: Why is it that at a school with infinite resources, we feel only scarcity?
Premed sophomore: If I have too much free time, I'll just do work. Or get scared about death.
Bernie supporter after waiting in line at Flu Fest: I’m an elitist after this experience.
Politically moderate friend: Finally! I've been waiting so long for you to become elitist.
Complimenting friend: Boss.
Power-hungry girlboss: Yes.
Friend: Dictator.
Girlboss: Yes.
Friend: You're a little too comfortable with that one.
Birthday Party: *sings Happy Birthday*
Director of Student Life: That is not an a capella group.
SPIA major after eating a sugar cookie: There should be a section in Wikipedia called “controversy”.