Romantic: The sole remaining balloon from Valentine's Day.
Optimist: And she's still flying, I'm so proud of her.
Romantic: Yea, I murdered all her sisters. I took scissors to them.
Supportive friend: I'm glad to brighten up your day with gossip. And not just any gossip… invented gossip!
Friend who breaks under moral pressure too easily: This is a mark on my conscience that will never leave. These lies have stained my soul.
Prank co-conspirator: … It was just an April Fools joke.
Techie: Oh no, my tablet didn't charge!
Friend: Do you have a charger?
Techie: *genuine* You are a genius. I never would've thought.
Budding philosopher: I was thinking…about how Seinfeld and Kafka were in the same century.
WASPy Man: When I came here I thought everyone wore, like, sports polos and khakis everyday. Because that's what we wore back home.
Woman rolling down car window: Excuse me! How do I get to the track meet?
Terrace NARP: Sorry, you're asking the wrong people.
Other Terrace NARP, pointing at nearby students: Ask them, they're all wearing Princeton sweatshirts.
Improv comedian anthro major: If I had a manager and accountant and publicist and personal assistant, I would be so successful.
History professor: “Chiang Kai-shek would not be very happy if he found out that historians are calling his style of suit the Mao suit.”
Unfunny sophomore: “I’m stoned.”
Unamused respondent: “Cool”
Unfunny sophomore: “As in, I’m in stone. Firestone Library.”
Paper-writing sophomore: “Yeah, so basically my thesis is that all white men just want to be back in the womb.”
White man: “You figured us out!”
Eating club president: “I don't think I'm a himbo?”
A friend who knows better: “Honey, if you have to ask.”
Confused friend: “Do you think Eisgruber is hot?”
Offended lesbian: *pause* “I'm gay.”
Beleaguered former girlboss: “How do I get off the Women in Economics and Policy mailing list?”
Thirsty girl: "I wanna hook up with someone this week. Oh wait, I have COVID.”
Humanitarian history major: “Well, she has done nothing to me ever, but at the moment I want her to die.”
Class-critiquing sophomore: "There's something anti-capitalist about taking my medication and washing it down with beer."
Comedic trainwreck: “It's better to be a chill trainwreck than an un-chill trainwreck. And some people pretend to be a trainwreck when they have their shit together. That's the worst.”
Worn-out senior after physics lab: "I don't care about Brownian motion! It's random and that's all I need to know."
Realistic junior: "That's not true. You don't need to know anything. 99% of people know nothing about Brownian motion and they lead happy, successful lives."