Annoyingly healthy sophomore: My body's a temple!
Jaded sophomore: My body's like… a nightclub.
Ailing senior woman: I got a UTI from sitting my bare vagina in beer all day.
Nass member 1: Wait, are you into communism, too?
Nass member 2: Yeah.
Nass member: As a man with a sixteen-inch penis, I cannot be confined to boxer briefs.
Unemployed SWUG: I was supposed to have an IBM interview today but I don't really know what happened to that. I didn't care much—they have an ugly logo.
Senior woman discovering her powers, on way to meditation class: I feel like when I put a tampon in before I actually get my period, it summons it, ya know?
SWUG: I’m so flat that I could have my nips out and people would think they were birthmarks.
Roommate, commenting on volunteer habits of other roommate: I feel like I'm Christian by osmosis.
Plaid-wearing senior: I don't like the furnishings in this room. The feng shui is fucked up.
Disappointed frosh: I've always been sort of tenuously interested in astrology because I'm a Leo.
Professor who brought candy for his class: At this point in the semester, an IV of crack is a better idea.
Stressed-out sophomore: I'll be honest, I think I probably have a solid cry about once a month. Usually in the shower. Put on some sad music and just go for it. That way I'm not wasting time. I mean, we all have to shower.
Quad senior: I think he's very confident about his weight loss from last summer. Then again, that's when he had malaria.
St. A's Interviewee: People don't think English is hard until I tell them I'm going to law school after.
Princeton dropout, pointing at a Fjallraven Kanken backpack: I could wipe my butt with that.
Drunk townie, to three friends: I, like, never go out. If I do go out it's always with you five bitches.
Professor: What do you think about the recent news on Puerto Rico?
Cottage junior: I feel like before this I didn't even know where it was on the map. I just had, like, no consciousness of it.
Professor: …Where did you think it was?
Cottage junior: Idk in like the Pacific or something.