Ivy COS Senior, delivering goodies to the poor thesising seniors: I feel like Marie Curie. Oh shit I mean Mother Teresa... the two most important women in my life.
Bro, chugging beer: Everybody looking at me like I'm a bitch but I've just got sensitive teeth.
Professor: I’m not anti-capitalist, but I am anti- radical inequality due to the structure of bourgeoisie capitalism.
Girl: When my mom got drunk she would wave lighters in my friends' faces and tell them not to get pregnant.
Incoming MS investment banking intern: When I was little, I loved the smell of cash.
Macedonian: You don’t hear Undergraduate Student Government and think, “this is something I want to join.”
Woke Bridge Year Senior: This shirt is kinda appropriative but I'm out of clean laundry.
Junior: I just wanted to take chocolate sauce and sprinkles and fuck up her whole life.
History major with JP draft due in several hours: I just thought of something to do to procrastinate, but then I forgot it.
Terrace shaman talking about minimalism: It’s all about getting rid of things that aren’t actually necessary in your life.
Other Terrace shaman: What about a pasta maker?
Terrace shaman #1: No -- that’s necessary.
Freshman washed-up girl: Yeah, I mean, I know he does Liars' club, but he's a good guy!
Freshman girl: What would the girl version of your name be? Daniela?
Boyfriend: Uhh I don’t know, that’s kinda slutty.
Terrace senior, talking about modern concubines: Indentured servitude is coming back into style.
Australian junior wearing cheetah print: So what wave of feminism are we on??
Self-proclaimed pretentious softboi: When I’m really fucked up, I love talking about how pretentious I am.