Overheard at Downtown Disney

Conflicted customer: Fuck you, Walt Disn—oh my god look at those backpacks!

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Overheard at Roma

Junior who’s onto something: Waluigi is nonbinary.

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Overheard outside Wawa

Kleptomaniacal Sophomore: Highly recommend stealing, it’s super free.

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Overheard at a Manhattan hotel

Sly twenty-something: Twelve ladies in the same room. This should get interesting.

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Overheard after HUM Lecture

Comp Lit Major: If you don't like Ovid, I don't like you.

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Overheard on a Roller Coaster

Tragic Thrill Seeker: I can't go on most of the rides. I have chronic vertigo.

Overtired friend: You have so much fucked up about you. You're like an onion of fuckery.

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Overheard at Roma

Dude bro #1: *screeches*

Dude bro #2: *screeches in response*

Dude bro #1: Echolocation, baby. Works every time.

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Overheard in the slums

Dejected French major: Why is he only texting me after my blowjob tweet…

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Overheard at Terrace

Tired SWUG: I cannot have a third, middle-aged boyfriend right now.

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Overheard in 1901

Junior passing group of drunk girls screaming Teenage Dream without music: Is this a cappella?

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Overheard at Blair Arch

Junior practicing self care: sometimes you just need to cry to go to sleep.

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Overheard in Robertson

Sleep-deprived senior cramming for a midterm: Psych studies in the 50's and 60's were absolutely fucking metal.

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Overheard in Firestone

Never-been-in-a-relationship sophomore, talking about potential boyfriend: I mean, he's already on my private story so I'm not sure what else would even change.

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Overheard at Firestone

Tired Econ Major: I got a D on my first midterm, so now I really have to do well on my next ones.

Supportive Friend: Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.

Tired Econ Major: Well it was a high D, so it's fine.

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Overheard in a small major’s single junior seminar

Department chair: Henry VIII had 6 wives, all of which he screwed. Terribly, not sexually. Though presumably he screwed them in that sense as well.

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Overheard in Wilcox at midnight

Stressed student reading Freud: Kids playing. Aw. I miss being a kid. I miss being a future genius instead of a present disappointment.

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Overhead in 1901

Student: We should do poppers to this Deja Vu x Cruel Summer x Getaway Car x Drivers License Soundcloud mashup!

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Overhead in E-Quad

Professor, talking about springs: “If it’s got more mass, it’s not going to boingy-boingy as much.”

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Overheard at Charter

Tired SWUG procrastinating her midterm: You know Only Fans? I wanna do something like that but Only Vibes.

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Overheard Talking about USG Movie Tickets

Anthro Major: Why is it that at a school with infinite resources, we feel only scarcity?

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Overheard at the Forbes Dhall

Premed sophomore: If I have too much free time, I'll just do work. Or get scared about death.

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Overheard over text

Bernie supporter after waiting in line at Flu Fest: I’m an elitist after this experience.

Politically moderate friend: Finally! I've been waiting so long for you to become elitist.

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Overheard in 1901

Complimenting friend: Boss.

Power-hungry girlboss: Yes.

Friend: Dictator.

Girlboss: Yes.

Friend: You're a little too comfortable with that one.

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Overheard in Wilcox

Birthday Party: *sings Happy Birthday*

Director of Student Life: That is not an a capella group.

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Overheard outside Bent Spoon

SPIA major after eating a sugar cookie: There should be a section in Wikipedia called “controversy”.

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