Dramatis Personae: Two lonely junior girls scouting potential houseparties dates; a guy passerby.

Scene 1: Ivy dancefloor. 
Lonely Girl 1: Look over there at that guy’s wandering hands. He looks
Lonely Girl 2: Do you see that hot freshman/ sophomore in the corner?
Guy Passerby: You should go for him!
Scene 2: Pyne Hall, later that night, girls still alone.
Lonely Girl 1: If we get really desperate we can put an ad in the
Prince and an idiot will respond.
Lonely Girl 2: I’m going to submit that to verbatim!
(Managing Editor’s note:  Call me.  I have my own tux.)