White Cottage male with an AEI backpack: You can’t get coronavirus if you get hit by a car.
Aspiring sex addict: “It would be hard to be an ugly sex addict. Do you think I’m attractive enough to be a sex addict?
COS boy: None of the SOC classes are funny this year. Finance bro: Yeah, Poverty in America isn’t being offered.
Guy walking out of Tower: Fine, go to Charter Friday. Fine, hate yourself. It’s fine.
Drunk engineer 1: I gave up alcohol for Lent. Drunk engineer 2: It would have been easier if you had given up sex.
Quad senior: I think he’s very confident about his weight loss from last summer. Then again, that’s when he had malaria.
Gay sophomore girl: She could totally be gay. Her hips are, like, forward, you know?
American frosh: It’s amazing you speak English so well. New Zealander: I mean, we speak English in New Zealand. American frosh: But if you speak English, then why do you have an accent?
Nass sophomore, on motherly Nass alum: There’s literally zero doubt in my mind that at some point in my life I will hook up with her.
Junior TI Theta to other junior TI Theta: You haven’t even had sex? Even weird people have had sex.
Adamant frosh girl: I’m not your cow! Senior boy: You’re more than just your milk…
Drunk sophomore, walking out of Tower party: I live in Rocky. You live in Wilson, the gayest of gay dorms.
Senior girl 1: We’re going to get to Cannon and no one is going to be there. Senior girl 2: That’s the ideal scenario.
BodyHype senior, to junior: I think you’re the kind of guy to go to war and come back with a Vietnamese wife.
Small drunkard: She rushed Pi Phi twice. That’s the most basic thing you can do.
Girl, to boyfriend: You can’t do this. You know I don’t have money to bail you out again.
Blonde girl, exasperated: Why do you want to hook up with me now?? I thought you thought I was crazy! Blond guy: Oh no, I definitely still think you’re crazy.
Drunk bro, to Theta, wisely: Instagram likes aren’t everything, you know.