Overheard on Nassau Street

Journalism intern: You're a different person now.
Investment banking intern: I'm the same person. Just with more Excel shortcuts.

21 

Overheard in the library

Senior girl, reflecting on Kant: The next time I'm making out with someone on the street, I'm going to ask them, excuse me, do you see me as a means or an end?

18 

Overheard in a bed

Woman 1: It's crazy how easy it is to have a civil, friendly meal with people you profoundly dislike.
Woman 2, cheerfully: That's the magic of TI!

18 

Overheard leaving TI

Soph to crying friend: What hole would he fill for you except for your vagina?

18 

Overheard in the Siberian wilderness

Fulbright Fellow: Last time I drank too much I went skinny dipping with a group of seventy-year-old men and vomited freshly slain sheep heart in my mouth.

17 

Overheard in Frist

Stressed-out sophomore: I'll be honest, I think I probably have a solid cry about once a month. Usually in the shower. Put on some sad music and just go for it. That way I'm not wasting time. I mean, we all have to shower.

17 

Overheard outside Frist

Orange Key guide: Princeton Preview is a great chance to sleep with a student.

16 

Overheard in dorm room

Jewish Marxist A's Ivy junior: I love the Nass verbatims, they're so relatable.

16 

Overheard in TI

Senior woman: Scandinavia’s great, but it’s so homogenous that if you show up and you’re short, fat and you have brown hair, they’re going to be like…no.
Newcomer: Are you talking about Pi Phi?

16 

Overheard en route to Frist

Sophomore Ivy hopeful wearing a Canada Goose: I'm sorry I'm a man of the people and I don't know how to spell Moncler.

16 

Overheard in Butler

Apes bro, scrolling through newsfeed: What are 5 foods that kill testosterone? If guacamole’s on this I'm so fucked.

14 

Overheard in 1903

SWUG, reading her ex's Facebook status: Anyone want to make latkes? Also, I'm bisexual.

14 

Overheard by Pyne

PFA male: You don't want to know too many atheists. It means you're not converting them fast enough.

14 

Overheard in Wu

Sophomore Pi Phi: After working on a problem set with two bros, I had to join Princeton Students for Gender Equality.

13 

Overheard at Ivy

Senior man on the Tigerbook controversy: For some reason I didn't feel bothered by the NSA but I do feel bothered by this.

13 

Overheard in Firestone

SWUG: I can't find out I'm pregnant the night before my Bridges midterm.

13 

Overheard outside Firestone

Unidentified freshman male: Yeah I could join the Nass so easy. I'd just be like, "La Croix," and they'd be like "Fuck yeah!".

12 

Overheard strolling along prospect avenue

St. B's senior: Someone once described Cannon to me as a glorified Chili's

12 

Overheard in Iowa

Fuckboy, to feminist: I feel like at this point your definition of “fuckboy” is so broad that it applies to any male person.

12 

Overheard at Aquinas Retreat

Religious boi to complete stranger: I had a dream about hell last night and you were there.
Complete stranger: What the fuck, man

12 

Overheard at postgame:

Astonished Ivy member: The TI women's bathroom is a freaking help desk. No, more than that. I walk into a bunch of girls who are too drunk, and there's a whole chain of command in place to help them.

12 

Overheard on study abroad in London

Princeton dropout, pointing at a Fjallraven Kanken backpack: I could wipe my butt with that.

11 

Overheard on iMessage

Stressed Virgo: I just wish people would send Google Invites for booty calls.
Stressed Virgo, later: I should set up a WASS for my hookups.

11 

Overheard on Nassau Street

Construction worker: I may disappoint Jesus but I would never disappoint you.

11 

Overheard in Bed, Bath, and Beyond

Marxist, looking at a display of toothpastes: This is why I hate capitalism; I'd rather the government just tell me what kind of toothpaste is best.

10