Overheard in Terrace

Sophomore guy: No, no, I’m not steampunk, I’m just bouncing off of steampunk.

Overheard outside Frist

Orange Key guide: Princeton Preview is a great chance to sleep with a student.

Overheard in Wilf

Nass EIC: This hummus is godly.
Observant Jew: The Nass is not the Messiah.

Overheard at Bank Street

Cap dude: Yeah, two people in my fraternity have lost their fingers.

Overheard at San Francisco house party

White girl: My friend lost her virginity to Mr. Brightside on repeat.

Overheard in Rocky common room

Freshman: Every time I laugh it’s fake. I try very hard to have an audible and melodious laugh.

Overheard in Witherspoons

Dejected frat star: I just feel like everything about me screams “sidekick.”

Overheard in an elevator

Drunk girl in sequins: Only cool people allowed. Only people who like Lean Cuisine.

Overheard in Rocky

Woman: I’ve had sex with guys whose dicks were, like, eight tampons.

Overheard on the Upper West Side

David Remnick, wearing Nass sweatshirt, recounting story of interviewing a young man: "And then he asked me if I'd heard of the Nassau Weekly. I said, heard of it? I invented it!"

Overheard by Frist

Junior Pi Phi: I am so fed up with everyone on this campus who calls themselves a communist and isn't.

Overheard from someone snorting prescription drugs off of a Vogue spread of Lindsay Lohan

Lohan! Please accept this offering! Lohan! Guide my hand so that I may divide thy bounty equally!

Overheard in Rocky Dining Hall

Freshman guy: The thing is...I could totally see myself being one of the guards who went too far in the Stanford Prison Experiment.

Overheard in Blair

Girl: And he was like, 'Blah blah blah Cottage.' And then he was like, 'Blah blah blah baseball.' And then he took his pants off.

Overheard in TI

Nass EIC: We want to move away from stereotyping particular student groups in Verbatim.
Theta junior: Sure but like, when people say that Thetas are shallow, I'm like... probably.

Overheard in Georgetown

Young woman: What’re you gonna get at AllSaints?
Young man: A blowjob.

Overheard in CWR 302

Professor Paul Muldoon: The Holocaust is very much like the cronut in that respect.

Overheard in McCosh 50

Cecily Strong: I'm actually not as badass as I looked on CSPAN.

Overheard in Robertson

Woody Woo boy: The problem with Lawnparties every year is that one rower that has a visible scrotum.

Overheard at TI

Junior woman, to large man: Come sit with us! We need a male gaze. We miss it when it’s not there.

Overheard in Frist

Frosh girl: What should I wear tonight that’s, like, fun and slutty?
Frosh boy: Wait, is the theme slutty?
Frosh girl: No...that’s just my personal theme.

Overheard at TI

Aesthete, sipping on IPA: This tastes like my acne medication.

Chemistry Professor

If you’ve never seen a set of balls before, you can stay after class and see mine.

Overheard in Holder

I’m thinking of giving out blowjobs for Lent.
Don’t you mean you’re thinking about giving them up?
No.

Overheard upstairs at Charter

Young Woman: Take off that turtleneck, hot stuff.
Young Man: Anything you say, baby.
Young Woman: Why're you wearing a second turtleneck underneath your turtleneck?
Young Man: Have you lost interest yet?