Overheard in 1902

Junior woman: You went to an A$AP Mob concert?
Sophomore A's aspirant: I went to their album release party and groped A$AP Rocky while he was performing.

10 

Overheard in LAS 371

Professor: What do you think about the recent news on Puerto Rico?
Cottage junior: I feel like before this I didn't even know where it was on the map. I just had, like, no consciousness of it.
Professor: …Where did you think it was?
Cottage junior: Idk in like the Pacific or something.

Overheard in Wright

Ivy girl/Reproductive Justice fighter: PHEROMONES!!!

Overheard outside a vape shop

Frosh who just bought a Juul: Wait, I hope I don't get ice cream on my Juul.

Overheard at Ivy

Ivy senior/Zete ringleader: Yeah, so let's do those same Zete hoodies from last year but with Trump on the front.

Overheard at Terrace

Terran: "It makes sense that white people like avocado. It has no flavor."

Overheard in Terrace

Ivy junior: How much do you think Graham Phillips thinks about me?

Overheard at Terrace

Feminist: I think each one of her boobs are eighteen of my boobs.

Overheard in Club Monaco

Sophomore Theta with a fiber stomachache: I just love legumes, but I literally couldn’t even go to Olives anymore if I stopped eating them. I only eat legumes there.

Overheard in Wright 11

Future Anna Wintour Assistant, raging at woven slippers: Every Chinese lady in America has those!

Overheard at Terrace

Shaman woman: So I got a three-pack of Disney knickers. One of them was Mulan.

Overheard in Pyne

Dangerously high male, to art major/significant other: You are so aesthetic but you have no utility.

Overheard in a newsroom

Neurotic copy editor, on the death of print journalism: Do you hear me in the distance, screaming? Cause I’M DOING IT!!

Overheard on the patio of Ivy

Ivy senior: How would you characterize the spectacle that is TI?
Ivy junior: A concrete hellhole in which beer-soaked children grind on one another

Overheard at Cottage Bicker

Yeah, I carry a knife around to fight the blacks.

Overheard in Rocky

Tote-carrying soph in fake Birks, yelling: Oh my god you KNOW I love that moon shit! I want my periods to sync up with the moon!!

Overheard at Ivy

Nass member: As a man with a sixteen-inch penis, I cannot be confined to boxer briefs.

Overheard at Ivy

Terrace senior: I am a serial misgenderer.

Overheard on NJ transit

Sad boy: The poetry grind never ends.

Overheard in Terrace

Soph boi: I didn't vine but I revined a lot. *pause* ...It's like retweeting.

Overheard at Study Break

Boy, to friends: I think I’m going to need to break it off with this girl. I don’t think I can handle a long-distance relationship.
Friend: Dude, she lives in Forbes.

Overheard on a certain fraternity email list

It has been brought to our attention that one of you, no need to mention who, has already lost his pledge pin. pledges, this is unacceptable. for this you will be raped as an example to the other pledges. as is customary, a few of us will convene to elect a team of 9 brothers that will systematically but ruthlessly run train on your brown ass. subsequently, you will be beaten with an extension chord [sic] at our discretion. i think it goes without saying that the ceremonies will conclude with the wearing of the persian eye
goggles, i.e. the resting of our scrotums over your eyes. if you have any questions, don't hesitate to go and fuck yourself.

Overheard in Friend

COS grad student: Just keep drinking coffee and writing code. You'll get through it.

Overheard at beach resort

Nanny: We can't buy this right now. It's too much money
Six-year-old: It's okay. We'll just get Daddy's credit card.

Overheard in the Friend Center

Sophomore Pi Phi: Do you know what a humble Canada Goose is? A MonCler.