Overheard in LAS 371

Professor: What do you think about the recent news on Puerto Rico?
Cottage junior: I feel like before this I didn't even know where it was on the map. I just had, like, no consciousness of it.
Professor: …Where did you think it was?
Cottage junior: Idk in like the Pacific or something.

Overheard in 1902

Junior woman: You went to an A$AP Mob concert?
Sophomore A's aspirant: I went to their album release party and groped A$AP Rocky while he was performing.

Overheard at Terrace

Feminist: I think each one of her boobs are eighteen of my boobs.

Overheard in Club Monaco

Sophomore Theta with a fiber stomachache: I just love legumes, but I literally couldn’t even go to Olives anymore if I stopped eating them. I only eat legumes there.

Overheard at Ivy

Nass member: As a man with a sixteen-inch penis, I cannot be confined to boxer briefs.

Overheard in Terrace

Ivy junior: How much do you think Graham Phillips thinks about me?

Overheard in Pyne

Dangerously high male, to art major/significant other: You are so aesthetic but you have no utility.

Overheard in Wright

Ivy girl/Reproductive Justice fighter: PHEROMONES!!!

Overheard at Ivy

Ivy senior/Zete ringleader: Yeah, so let's do those same Zete hoodies from last year but with Trump on the front.

Overheard on the patio of Ivy

Ivy senior: How would you characterize the spectacle that is TI?
Ivy junior: A concrete hellhole in which beer-soaked children grind on one another

Overheard at Murray Dodge

St. A's Interviewee: People don't think English is hard until I tell them I'm going to law school after.

Overheard at Study Break

Boy, to friends: I think I’m going to need to break it off with this girl. I don’t think I can handle a long-distance relationship.
Friend: Dude, she lives in Forbes.

Overheard at TI

Aesthete, sipping on IPA: This tastes like my acne medication.

Overheard on a certain fraternity email list

It has been brought to our attention that one of you, no need to mention who, has already lost his pledge pin. pledges, this is unacceptable. for this you will be raped as an example to the other pledges. as is customary, a few of us will convene to elect a team of 9 brothers that will systematically but ruthlessly run train on your brown ass. subsequently, you will be beaten with an extension chord [sic] at our discretion. i think it goes without saying that the ceremonies will conclude with the wearing of the persian eye
goggles, i.e. the resting of our scrotums over your eyes. if you have any questions, don't hesitate to go and fuck yourself.

Overheard outside a vape shop

Frosh who just bought a Juul: Wait, I hope I don't get ice cream on my Juul.

Overheard at Terrace

Club Manager: I'm kind of a Wawa ho. I've been to every Wawa in North Jersey.

Overheard in Wright

Upper West Sider: My favorite adjective is “collegiate gothic.”

Overheard at Quaker Bridge Mall

Ivy junior to junior history major: We’re such douchebags. You just said "bourgeois means of production" in a Claire's.

Overheard on campus

Blivy member: After reading for African-American history, I've realized having someone else do my laundry is my intersectional feminism.

Overheard in iMessage screenshot

Private Equity bro/Yale alum, upon arriving in Princeton: The Brooks Brothers. Spectacular. Should be on Madison.

Overheard in rare book shop

Self-aware Ivy sophomore, holding This Side of Paradise: I wonder if I can find “breathless and aristocratic” in here... I wouldn’t be mad if you verbatim-ed that.

Overheard at Ivy

Ivy Gear chair, venomously: I love seeing people in Gucci slides at Ivy

Overheard in Cafe Viv

White COS major demonstrating with Google Earth: I’m trying to find a city. *zooms in on Africa* Oh no, let’s go to a more civilized location… *scrolls away*

Overheard via iMessage

Young man, to girlfriend: I still can’t believe the meme king slid into your DMs. If you left me for him, honestly I’d understand. I could tell everyone I got cucked by a top-tier meme poster.

Overheard at Terrace

Brooklynite: If I knew how to drive, I'd know how to drive stick shift.