Dear Mom and Dad,
I have some good news and some bad news.
Well actually let’s save that for a sec. How are you?? I miss home a lot! Mom, I got the care package you sent. I really like the customized Starbucks thermos with photos from my childhood! I also really like the family of Cuddly Bearista Bears, especially “Laissez-Bear” and “A Bear to Remember.” Dad, that email you sent with your top 25 YouTube vid’s from the summer of ’08 was great. All my hallmates thought it was bumpin. Even my weird hallmate–the one from the Bay area, I’ve mentioned him before–said it was pretty “sick.” Haha, don’t worry, that’s a good thing. God he’s so weird.
Have you guys been watching the election stuff? I can’t believe Obama is friends with terrorists! Crazy. Also I heard the Bill Maher movie sucked so don’t see it.
Ok. Back to the issue at hand. So there’s good news and bad news. Dad, remember when you said that all you ever wanted was for me to be happy? (It was in my graduation card.) And Mom, remember when you told me to find the crystal pitchfork that I should tune the guitar in my soul to? Well, I think I’ve found it, and it does actually involve a guitar!
Here’s the good news: I’ve decided to drop out of Princeton and audition for Neil Young and Crazy Horse. I know it sounds crazy because Neil Young totally hit his peak 20 years ago and well, let’s be honest, he’s probably going to retire in about 10 minutes (am I right??). I took that into consideration, and I formed a back-up plan. My back-up plan is just to follow the band across the country (I’m 70% sure they’re touring right now) and live in the back of my friend’s van for however long I can do that.
You know what they say in Oh, the Places You’ll Go: “Somehow you’ll escape / all that waiting and staying. / You’ll find the bright places / where Boom Bands are playing.” I’m not positive what Boom Bands are, but I imagine them like musical bands, with singers and drummers and microphones. Princeton’s pretty boring. There isn’t a great Risk scene here–all the kids are scary-competitive about it–and the Terhune Orchard trip only comes once a year. I want something more! And dropping out of school to audition for a rock band that isn’t hiring seemed like the thing to do.
Dad, it’s like you always said–who needs a high school degree when you can get a life degree? And Mom, you told me that the week you followed James Taylor around was the best of your life. So now I’m going to follow in my parents’ footsteps and have the adventure of a lifetime–and all the way to Altoona, Kansas!
Now for the bad news. The bad news is–actually I don’t think there is any bad news. I don’t know why I decided to structure the letter that way; that was kind of silly. Should’ve thought that over a little more first. Well anyway I’d ask for your blessing but I know I already have it (!), so I guess I’ll just say, you can cancel my Delta ticket home for fall break, because my friend’s driving me down in that van. And, could you please send a little $$$ my way for food, blankets, etc?
Well, my friend’s been honking for about 15 minutes now (it’s a vanity horn–the theme from “La Bamba”) so I better run! I’ll write in a week or so.