1. George W. Bush
2. Julie Cooper “dating” a characeter who’s supposed to be 20 years younger than her but is actually played by an actor who’s her age.
3. “I’m sorry, the Princess is in another castle”
4. Not being able to get my cell phone out of my pocket because my jeans are too tight.
5. McGreevey in the Dillon locker room.
6. Hipsters who wear the “Harlem to Brooklyn” New York subway T-shirts without being New Yorkers and/or ever having been to Harlem or Brooklyn.
7. Prefrosh listing their major as Woody Woo.
8. Precepts billed as “inspired conversations”.
9. The new prox lights being green when locked and then red when unlocked. Red means stop, green means go.
10. Holder being renovated before Butler.
11. The Bev Lab being renovated before Butler.
12. Students who ask questions during 300 person lectures.
13. Moccasins on anyone but stocky Mexicans or aging hippies, especially when paired with last spring’s ubiquitous short ruffled skirt.
14. Last spring’s ubiquitous short ruffled skirt.
15. Sophomore girls who interrupt any conversation more than 15 seconds long by screeching affectionately/desperately at someone across the room and waving their hands in the air.
16. Skinny, aloof Bulgarians and/or treacherous Turks.
17. Bonding (un)ironically over early Nickelodeon shows.
18. Fruit from the Frist A floor. The bananas are so bruised and the apples so rotten that either Princeton students finger mad hard or they were stored in Harrison Frist’s birthday moon bounce before Dining Services got a hold of them.
19. Harrison Frist’s “frat boy antics”.
20. Yellow Tail wine. It’s really not that cheap and it’s really not that good. Memo to Princeton students: don’t buy wine as highly stylized as you are, even if the kangaroo is cute.
21. People wearing the “New Jersey: Only the Strong Survive” t-shirt who are actually from L.A. Taking NJ Transit from Princeton Junction to Newark Airport and the occasional trip to “The City” for a St. A’s extravaganza does not count as “surviving New Jersey”.
22. Evan Baehr describing himself as “non-partisan”.
23. Ann Coulter carrying a French-made white and colors Louis Vuitton bag.
24. The phrase “Princeton’s New Yorker”.
25. John Ashcroft singing “Let the Eagles Soar”.
26. Shaking it like a Polaroid picture.
27. Gorgeous Sudanese refugee chicks who refuse to give me their digits.
28. People who use the name of their shared computer on iTunes to announce their political or a cappella affiliation.
29. Lump sums. It’s all about the cash flow, baby.
30. The ever-increasing number of regulations associated with using the Marquand cup and drink shelf.
31. The Marquand cup and drink shelf.
32. Civil War facial hair.
33. Recognizing Cosby sweaters as such.
34. Wearing your room key and prox on a lanyard at all times, even in the bathroom of their dorm.
35. The Healthy Eating Lab..
36. That Olympics Home Depot commercial.
37. That seagull at the shore.
38. Ryan Atwood trying to save everyone but actually fucking everything up.
39. Grad students lurking sketchily on the Colonial dance floor.
40. Grad students who employ book holders at Firestone when reading a photocopied article.
41. When your best friends refuse to admit they got all tingly inside reading “Lolita.”
42. The deforestation of Chancellor Green.
43. The dearth of nude Hermione pics on DC++.
44. Underprivileged kids getting into fights over Doritos while you’re trying to teach them to read. C’mon kid: I can only help you if you’re willing to help yourself.
45. Galoshes when it’s not raining.
46. Pictures of Africa from your summer vacation.
47. Grad student couples making out in the Trustees Room.
48. Boys who are the inside spoon.
49. Affectless evangelicals strong-arming you out of Murray-Dodge Café at 12:31.
50. Cartoons where the good guy temporarily loses his memory and then must be convinced to rejoin his comrades.
51. Nearly breaking a Ming Dynasty vase and catching it only to drop it again minutes later in a second, unforeseen snafu.
52. Zora Neale Hurston symposia rife with sass.
53. People who do Business Today because they find it “interesting”.
54. Art history majors getting a finance certificate because they “really like finance”.
55. Semiotics enthusiasts.
56. Professors with secret Scientologist agendas.
57. Cartoons that lack a Bermuda Triangle episode.
58. Sharing an XL twin bed (“why can’t they just leave?”)
59. White Zinfandel aka White Zinny.
60. Undergrads who try to have classy “pregaming” events with brie.
61. Mary-Kate Olsen telling People magazine she has an “eating disorder”. OK, if by “eating” you mean “snorting”. We all know, M-K. It’s okay.
62. Ivy members who think it’s okay if they come to Terrace cocktails uninvited as long as they “really love Terrace” and/or stole a Terrace sweatshirt once.
63. Saying Bicker/Rush is “a really great way to meet people” and/or “worth it just for the experience, even if you don’t get in”.
64. The dearth of sleuthing shows with Rockapella theme songs this decade.
65. ‘Tweens who think they’re teens.
66. Princeton students who burn downloaded porn onto DVDs and give it a title.
67. LIVESTRONG bracelets. Just because you don’t want to wear an ugly yellow bracelet doesn’t mean you don’t also think cancer is bad.
68. People who wistfully refer to the Nintendo games of their youth.
69. People who don’t.
70. The large number of USG guys on Propecia.
71. This lousy New Haven weather.
72. People who complain that conservatism is under siege during a Bush presidency.
73. [see cover]
74. People who complain that John Kerry is too elitist to be president because he went to Yale. Just because W. got C’s there, does not mean he did not also go there..
75. Korean tyrants with emo glasses.
76. Gary, Indiana.
77. Saying Adam Rosner is the “new Adam Brenner”.
78. The ladies who work at Zoe looking down upon me condescendingly, as if I don’t deserve to be in their store. Let’s review which one of us makes an hourly wage selling Seven jeans to sorority girls and suburban housewives and then spends it all on Marc Jacobs dresses, and which one of us can’t afford Marc Jacobs because she is in college.
79. Serbian chicks with Bosnian dicks.
80. Swift Boat Veterans for Grade Deflation.
81. Disturbing semantically equivalent phrases like “reservoir tip” and “recessed filter”.
82. Dean Malkiel’s shit-ass dog.
83. Mutant campus publications popping up every few months and quickly becoming defunct, yet managing to get thousands of dollars in University funding.
84. Our parents forwarding us Daily Princetonian articles.
85. People who have strong opinions about condiments or coffee shops.
86. Paul Hamm.
87. Crackers quoting Dave Chapelle.
88. Strong Bad/Internet cartoons.
89. Nancy getting all the credit.
90. “Did you read that New Yorker article about…?”
91. People who ask why I don’t have a Southern accent.
92. Girls who think salad is a meal or Diet Coke is a snack. If it doesn’t have calories, it’s probably not a snack. (See Back Page.)
93. Eating club theme nights that cover a wide range of decades.
94. Bragging about how many lectures you missed the first week of classes.
95. Any Buffy episode with Riley.
96. People who claim they “never really got into the whole Buffy thing”.
97. The JNCO jean company’s sudden and unfortunate demise.
98. Prefrosh with 87 facebook friends.
99. Frist’s Mongolian Grill being manned by petty Han dynasty bureaucrats rather than by sturdy warlords of the steppe.
100. Pubic hair getting caught in my mouth.