Overheard at Charter

Friend 1: We should play squash sometime.
Friend 2: I haven’t played a sport in five years. I haven’t played a
sport that wasn’t ultimate frisbee in eight years.

Overhead in East Pyne

Student 1: When I was studying the Language of Love under Daniel Heller-Roazen . . .
Student 2 (interrupting) : Were you studying the Language of Love, or were you studying him?
Student 3: I mean, how can you know the dancer from the dance?

Overheard at Terrace dinner

Guy 1: Do you want to commit to a hate crime?
Confused kid: Wait . . . do I want to do what?
Guy 1 (louder): Do you want to commit a hate crime?
Confused kid (earnestly): Do I want to cut your hair?

Overheard in the basement of McCosh:

Guy (awkwardly): Hi, [redacted].
Girl: I bet I don't want to know what's in that paper bag!
Guy: I packed a lunch! Just kidding, they're testing my pee. Why else would the bag be so warm?

Overheard in the basement of McCosh

Guy (awkwardly): Hi, [redacted].
Girl: I bet I don't want to know what's in that paper bag!
Guy: I packed a lunch! Just kidding, they're testing my pee. Why else would the bag be so warm?

Overheard in Seminar

Professor: What we need in this classroom is cocaine. Then we can do 4 projects at once. Surely its been done before in the history of this great University.

Overheard at TI

Terrace member, to fratty friend: So, are you still committed to going into
finance, even with the recession?

Fratty friend: I don’t know. What’s the other option?

Overheard on a poster

Poverty simulation today. . . . Free lunch provided.

Overheard in Ivy

Guy, to friend, while Internet shopping: If I were a girl, I would definitely wear heels with those jeans.
[Pauses]
I just know this about myself.

Overheard at dinner

Guy: What are you studying?
Girl: German.
Guy: Oh! I know some German. “Ich bin müde.”
Guy 2: “Das Boot!”
Guy 3: “Wolf Blitzer!”

Overheard at TI, again

English major: Am I high? I took the express train to Highville; upon arrival,
I was elected mayor.

Overheard in East Pyne

Leggy Intellectual: I am so not an American; it's taken me a long time to relate to people like Neil Young.

Overheard in East Pyne, again

Girl 1: At least you didn’t fall for a hobbit who left you for a cross-eyed girl.
Girl 2: Yeah, but I fell for a hobbit who left me for a man.
[pause]
I guess he didn’t really leave me.

Overheard at Wendy's

New School Student 1: I’m black.
New School Student 2: Not really. You’re like Obama-black.

Overheard in Ivy

Female economics major: Are you going to work for an investment bank this summer?
Male economics major: I don't think so. Investment banking is okay, but my real passion is consulting.

Overheard in Forbes

Student running for USG office: (knocks on door)
Guy in room: (answering) Hello!
Student running for USG office: You are so great at hearing!

Overheard at the Whitney:

Kid (looking at a Pollock): It looks so good, I just wanna lick it up!

Overheard in Pyne

Girl 1: I just ate so many Wheat Thins, but I’m still hungry.
Girl 2: For what?
(Pause)
Girl 1: Retribution.

Overheard at Cottage

Guy 1: I think you have a coke problem.

Guy 2: I don’t have a coke problem. I have a masturbation problem. I went home last night, blew two and a half grams, and jerked off for ten hours.

Overheard in the Oval Office

Princeton Economics Professor Harvey Rosen: Capitalism without losses is like Christianity without Hell.

President George W. Bush: Harvey, stick to economics.

Overheard in a Reading Group about Homelessness, circa 1995

Toni Morrison: When we discuss homelessness, we rarely ask, “Why do we value the home?” What about people who have too much home? People who can’t leave home?

Overheard in Prospect Garden

Theta ‘09: Watch out for those SAE pledges tonight, because you’re going to have to make out with all of them.

Theta ‘12: Oh, okay!!!

Overheard at MOL 101-B Lecture:

Frustrated Professor: Are you guys old enough to know when your life is completely meaningless?

Overheard at Ivy Brunch:

Ivy Senior: What a great picture! We're all so beautiful!
Another Ivy Senior: No, you are so beautiful!
Original Ivy Senior: I know.

Overheard at Ivy Pick-Ups:

Ivy Member: I can't give you a hug because you're covered in Andre. If you were covered in something more expensive, maybe. But even then...

Overheard at Richarson:

Gray-haired Flirt: I think it's really great that they have intermission.
Gray-haired Woman: I think it's time for you to find your wife outside.

Overheard in Takacs Quartet Concert:

Elderly Woman: I don't even understand all the fuss about Obama's race. I mean, he's not even that black.

Overheard leaving Frist on a Saturday night:

Girl 1: I just wanna go to Terrace and smoke cigarettes and be gloomy.
Girl 2: That doesn't sound like a good idea. Let's go to Tower and be HAPPY!

Overheard at Ivy

Deflated I-banker: I would rather undergro ethnic cleansing than lose my offer.

Overheard at Blackbox

[phat beats]

Overheard at the CJL

Earnest kid 1: And then...I saw that it had bacon on it!
Earnest kid 2, cringing: So what did you do?
Earnest kid 1: Couldn't do it. I just...couldn't do it.

Overheard at Friend

Guy 1: Getting a pre-lab done for you is better than getting a blowjob.
Guy 2: Have you ever gotten a blowjob?
Guy 1: Yeah. I mean...yeah. Well, no.

Overheard in East Pyne

Girl: Today, I stepped in human poop.

Overheard at Ivy

Senior SAE: I think Alan Blinder has Tourette's.
Junior Theta: Oh, really? Is he bickering? Because that would be hard to deal with.

Overheard in front of Laughlin

Girl 1: (from a distance) Hey, wait for me!
Sophomore Theta: (fists raised) RAGE. RAGE, RAGE, RAGE.

Overheard in front of Laughlin

Girl 1: (from a distance) Hey, wait for me!
Sophomore Theta: (fists raised) RAGE. RAGE, RAGE, RAGE.

Overheard at Quad

Man: What nationality is Lupe? Is he black?

Overheard on Prospect

Polite sophomore: So how was your first Lawnparties?
Polite freshman: It was fun, but crowded. I was right there in the front.
Polite sophomore: Of which club?
Polite freshman: The one that was having it.

Overheard at OA Training

Rick Curtis: If you see lightning and hear thunder, get into the lightning safety position.
[squats]
RC: Coincidentally, this also happens to be my favorite troweling position.

Overheard on CA

Priviliged freshman girl (whispering to another): We're going into Trenton? I'm so scared.

Overheard at Tower initiations

Tower member to Anscombe Society member: Your soul belongs to Jesus, but your ass belongs to me.

Overheard on Fox

Bill Kristol, proposing a new campaign strategy for Hillary Clinton: How about reality? And by that I mean . . . how about fear? I recommend to her the politics of fear.

Overheard in Forbes dining hall

Girl to table at large: You know The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? My friends and I have a Sisterhood of the Traveling Corset. It's lacy and purple. Boy at table: Wait . . . that, like, totally undermines the feminist message of the book.

Overheard in Terrace

Terran girl, to friend: Hey, how’s it goi-
Silly sophomore girl doing her Terrace offering: BLAH BLAH BLAH (giggles at how silly she’s being)
Friend: So her offering is to say ‘blah blah’ every time you talk?
Terran girl: Yeah-
Silly sophomore girl: BLAH BLAH BLAH (giggles more)
Friend: Do you wanna do some lines?
Terran girl: Sure.
Silly sophomore girl: (silence)

Overheard in PHI384

Prof. Rosen: Why would a self-regarding act, like homosexual behavior, have grounds for punishment under the harm principle?
Student #1: Well, it might motivate others to think that it is a
good thing to do, through television and stuff.
Prof. Rosen: It might motivate others to participate in a self-regarding act?
Student #2: It might make those people go to Hell.

Overheard at Kosovar independence celebration

Student: You'd think the Yugoslavians would know not to count their chickens before they hatch.

Overheard in Frist

Girl, to boyfriend: Jim, did you say that porn was prettier than me?

Overheard at Cap

Guy: I love women! I mean, I'm not a feminist or anything, but I'm certainly tolerant.

Overheard at Ivy Initiations

[Sophomore grabs Hot Ivy Senior's boob]
Hot Ivy Senior: That's just not classy. I don't know whether or not you usually use that, but I find that dinner works better.

Overheard late Thursday night in the U-Store

Smashed Girl (flirtatiously): Hi Eric.
Eric: Hey.
Girl: You're just saying that.
[...]
Same Smashed Girl, ten minutes later, eating furtively: I can taste the nonfat in this.

Overheard in Brown

Guy: I mean, for all my twisted shit, I've never been attracted to little boys... I mean, legitimately!

Overheard outside Pyne

Boy: I have to decide, you know, whether or not I want to socially exclude someone.
Girl: Yeah, I know, totally.

Overheard near Lake Carnegie

Guy 1: I'm a visual learner. If I see something done, I feel like I can do it better myself.
Guy 2: Like when you saw the man-gina scene in [i]Silence of the Lambs[/i]. You were like 'I can do that!'