Overheard in East Pyne

Leggy Intellectual: I am so not an American; it's taken me a long time to relate to people like Neil Young.

Overheard in East Pyne, again

Girl 1: At least you didn’t fall for a hobbit who left you for a cross-eyed girl.
Girl 2: Yeah, but I fell for a hobbit who left me for a man.
[pause]
I guess he didn’t really leave me.

Overheard at Wendy's

New School Student 1: I’m black.
New School Student 2: Not really. You’re like Obama-black.

Overheard in Ivy

Female economics major: Are you going to work for an investment bank this summer?
Male economics major: I don't think so. Investment banking is okay, but my real passion is consulting.

Overheard in Forbes

Student running for USG office: (knocks on door)
Guy in room: (answering) Hello!
Student running for USG office: You are so great at hearing!

Overheard at the Whitney:

Kid (looking at a Pollock): It looks so good, I just wanna lick it up!

Overheard in Pyne

Girl 1: I just ate so many Wheat Thins, but I’m still hungry.
Girl 2: For what?
(Pause)
Girl 1: Retribution.

Overheard at Cottage

Guy 1: I think you have a coke problem.

Guy 2: I don’t have a coke problem. I have a masturbation problem. I went home last night, blew two and a half grams, and jerked off for ten hours.

Overheard in the Oval Office

Princeton Economics Professor Harvey Rosen: Capitalism without losses is like Christianity without Hell.

President George W. Bush: Harvey, stick to economics.

Overheard in a Reading Group about Homelessness, circa 1995

Toni Morrison: When we discuss homelessness, we rarely ask, “Why do we value the home?” What about people who have too much home? People who can’t leave home?

Overheard in Prospect Garden

Theta ‘09: Watch out for those SAE pledges tonight, because you’re going to have to make out with all of them.

Theta ‘12: Oh, okay!!!

Overheard at MOL 101-B Lecture:

Frustrated Professor: Are you guys old enough to know when your life is completely meaningless?

Overheard at Ivy Brunch:

Ivy Senior: What a great picture! We're all so beautiful!
Another Ivy Senior: No, you are so beautiful!
Original Ivy Senior: I know.

Overheard at Ivy Pick-Ups:

Ivy Member: I can't give you a hug because you're covered in Andre. If you were covered in something more expensive, maybe. But even then...

Overheard at Richarson:

Gray-haired Flirt: I think it's really great that they have intermission.
Gray-haired Woman: I think it's time for you to find your wife outside.

Overheard in Takacs Quartet Concert:

Elderly Woman: I don't even understand all the fuss about Obama's race. I mean, he's not even that black.

Overheard leaving Frist on a Saturday night:

Girl 1: I just wanna go to Terrace and smoke cigarettes and be gloomy.
Girl 2: That doesn't sound like a good idea. Let's go to Tower and be HAPPY!

Overheard at Ivy

Deflated I-banker: I would rather undergro ethnic cleansing than lose my offer.

Overheard at Blackbox

[phat beats]

Overheard at the CJL

Earnest kid 1: And then...I saw that it had bacon on it!
Earnest kid 2, cringing: So what did you do?
Earnest kid 1: Couldn't do it. I just...couldn't do it.

Overheard at Friend

Guy 1: Getting a pre-lab done for you is better than getting a blowjob.
Guy 2: Have you ever gotten a blowjob?
Guy 1: Yeah. I mean...yeah. Well, no.

Overheard in East Pyne

Girl: Today, I stepped in human poop.

Overheard at Ivy

Senior SAE: I think Alan Blinder has Tourette's.
Junior Theta: Oh, really? Is he bickering? Because that would be hard to deal with.

Overheard in front of Laughlin

Girl 1: (from a distance) Hey, wait for me!
Sophomore Theta: (fists raised) RAGE. RAGE, RAGE, RAGE.

Overheard in front of Laughlin

Girl 1: (from a distance) Hey, wait for me!
Sophomore Theta: (fists raised) RAGE. RAGE, RAGE, RAGE.

Overheard at Quad

Man: What nationality is Lupe? Is he black?

Overheard on Prospect

Polite sophomore: So how was your first Lawnparties?
Polite freshman: It was fun, but crowded. I was right there in the front.
Polite sophomore: Of which club?
Polite freshman: The one that was having it.

Overheard at OA Training

Rick Curtis: If you see lightning and hear thunder, get into the lightning safety position.
[squats]
RC: Coincidentally, this also happens to be my favorite troweling position.

Overheard on CA

Priviliged freshman girl (whispering to another): We're going into Trenton? I'm so scared.

Overheard at Tower initiations

Tower member to Anscombe Society member: Your soul belongs to Jesus, but your ass belongs to me.

Overheard on Fox

Bill Kristol, proposing a new campaign strategy for Hillary Clinton: How about reality? And by that I mean . . . how about fear? I recommend to her the politics of fear.

Overheard in Forbes dining hall

Girl to table at large: You know The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? My friends and I have a Sisterhood of the Traveling Corset. It's lacy and purple. Boy at table: Wait . . . that, like, totally undermines the feminist message of the book.

Overheard in Terrace

Terran girl, to friend: Hey, how’s it goi-
Silly sophomore girl doing her Terrace offering: BLAH BLAH BLAH (giggles at how silly she’s being)
Friend: So her offering is to say ‘blah blah’ every time you talk?
Terran girl: Yeah-
Silly sophomore girl: BLAH BLAH BLAH (giggles more)
Friend: Do you wanna do some lines?
Terran girl: Sure.
Silly sophomore girl: (silence)

Overheard in PHI384

Prof. Rosen: Why would a self-regarding act, like homosexual behavior, have grounds for punishment under the harm principle?
Student #1: Well, it might motivate others to think that it is a
good thing to do, through television and stuff.
Prof. Rosen: It might motivate others to participate in a self-regarding act?
Student #2: It might make those people go to Hell.

Overheard at Kosovar independence celebration

Student: You'd think the Yugoslavians would know not to count their chickens before they hatch.

Overheard in Frist

Girl, to boyfriend: Jim, did you say that porn was prettier than me?

Overheard at Cap

Guy: I love women! I mean, I'm not a feminist or anything, but I'm certainly tolerant.

Overheard at Ivy Initiations

[Sophomore grabs Hot Ivy Senior's boob]
Hot Ivy Senior: That's just not classy. I don't know whether or not you usually use that, but I find that dinner works better.

Overheard late Thursday night in the U-Store

Smashed Girl (flirtatiously): Hi Eric.
Eric: Hey.
Girl: You're just saying that.
[...]
Same Smashed Girl, ten minutes later, eating furtively: I can taste the nonfat in this.

Overheard in Brown

Guy: I mean, for all my twisted shit, I've never been attracted to little boys... I mean, legitimately!

Overheard outside Pyne

Boy: I have to decide, you know, whether or not I want to socially exclude someone.
Girl: Yeah, I know, totally.

Overheard near Lake Carnegie

Guy 1: I'm a visual learner. If I see something done, I feel like I can do it better myself.
Guy 2: Like when you saw the man-gina scene in [i]Silence of the Lambs[/i]. You were like 'I can do that!'

Overheard in Cottage

Guy 1: I just wanted to tell you, our friendship is like peeing my pants: everyone can see it, but only I can feel the warmth.
Guy 2: I don't think we've met.

Overheard in Tower

Random person: That guy is a gigantic tool.
Earnest Asian Girl: I always hear tool. What is tool mean? Last night I tried to look it up, but I cannot find precise definition.

Overheard GEO 202

Professor: What do you think the average depth of the ocean is?
Student: 50,000 miles?

Overheard in Frist

Guy 1: Do I look like a bitch?
Guy 2: (quickly) Yes.
Guy 1: Well, then why do you gotta- wait. Oh.

Overheard during Ivy Bicker

Female Ivy member to bickeree: Now tell this Cottage member three things you hate about her club.
Bickeree: But-- but I don't know three Cottage members!

Overheard in the Nass Office

Nass Editor 1: I'll be crushed if
I don't win the Rhodes.
Nass Editor 2: We'll all be
crushed if we don't win the
Rhodes.

Overheard in Ivy

Ivy Club Member: I stopped smoking pot when I realized everything I wanted from pot I got from valium.

Overheard outside Brown Hall

First Girl: Do you think that I have a beer gut?
Second Girl: Well...it's a good thing that you're getting control of it now.
(Awkward Silence)
First Girl: Maybe I'm just eating too much.
Second Girl: No, it's the beer.

Overheard in Frist 100 Level Bathroom

Drunk Theta 1: I just don't know who I'm going to walk home with. Rachel and Ben, and Chloe and Mike...
Drunk Theta 2: Well listen to me; I have to take Stephie home, so I won't be hooking up with anyone tonight unless I can do something about that.

Overheard in Terrace TV Room:

Girl watching porn: Wow...it's just like yoga.