Overheard at Harvard
Visiting Princetonian: There's someone crying in your bathroom.
Guy: Welcome to Harvard.
Frustrated Professor: Are you guys old enough to know when your life is completely meaningless?
Ivy Senior: What a great picture! We're all so beautiful!
Another Ivy Senior: No, you are so beautiful!
Original Ivy Senior: I know.
Ivy Member: I can't give you a hug because you're covered in Andre. If you were covered in something more expensive, maybe. But even then...
Gray-haired Flirt: I think it's really great that they have intermission.
Gray-haired Woman: I think it's time for you to find your wife outside.
Elderly Woman: I don't even understand all the fuss about Obama's race. I mean, he's not even that black.
Girl 1: I just wanna go to Terrace and smoke cigarettes and be gloomy.
Girl 2: That doesn't sound like a good idea. Let's go to Tower and be HAPPY!
Deflated I-banker: I would rather undergro ethnic cleansing than lose my offer.
[phat beats]
Earnest kid 1: And then...I saw that it had bacon on it!
Earnest kid 2, cringing: So what did you do?
Earnest kid 1: Couldn't do it. I just...couldn't do it.
Guy 1: Getting a pre-lab done for you is better than getting a blowjob.
Guy 2: Have you ever gotten a blowjob?
Guy 1: Yeah. I mean...yeah. Well, no.
Girl: Today, I stepped in human poop.
Senior SAE: I think Alan Blinder has Tourette's.
Junior Theta: Oh, really? Is he bickering? Because that would be hard to deal with.
Girl 1: (from a distance) Hey, wait for me!
Sophomore Theta: (fists raised) RAGE. RAGE, RAGE, RAGE.
Girl 1: (from a distance) Hey, wait for me!
Sophomore Theta: (fists raised) RAGE. RAGE, RAGE, RAGE.
Man: What nationality is Lupe? Is he black?
Polite sophomore: So how was your first Lawnparties?
Polite freshman: It was fun, but crowded. I was right there in the front.
Polite sophomore: Of which club?
Polite freshman: The one that was having it.
Rick Curtis: If you see lightning and hear thunder, get into the lightning safety position.
[squats]
RC: Coincidentally, this also happens to be my favorite troweling position.
Priviliged freshman girl (whispering to another): We're going into Trenton? I'm so scared.
Tower member to Anscombe Society member: Your soul belongs to Jesus, but your ass belongs to me.
Bill Kristol, proposing a new campaign strategy for Hillary Clinton: How about reality? And by that I mean . . . how about fear? I recommend to her the politics of fear.
Girl to table at large: You know The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? My friends and I have a Sisterhood of the Traveling Corset. It's lacy and purple. Boy at table: Wait . . . that, like, totally undermines the feminist message of the book.
Terran girl, to friend: Hey, how’s it goi-
Silly sophomore girl doing her Terrace offering: BLAH BLAH BLAH (giggles at how silly she’s being)
Friend: So her offering is to say ‘blah blah’ every time you talk?
Terran girl: Yeah-
Silly sophomore girl: BLAH BLAH BLAH (giggles more)
Friend: Do you wanna do some lines?
Terran girl: Sure.
Silly sophomore girl: (silence)
Prof. Rosen: Why would a self-regarding act, like homosexual behavior, have grounds for punishment under the harm principle?
Student #1: Well, it might motivate others to think that it is a
good thing to do, through television and stuff.
Prof. Rosen: It might motivate others to participate in a self-regarding act?
Student #2: It might make those people go to Hell.
Student: You'd think the Yugoslavians would know not to count their chickens before they hatch.
Girl, to boyfriend: Jim, did you say that porn was prettier than me?
Guy: I love women! I mean, I'm not a feminist or anything, but I'm certainly tolerant.
[Sophomore grabs Hot Ivy Senior's boob]
Hot Ivy Senior: That's just not classy. I don't know whether or not you usually use that, but I find that dinner works better.
Smashed Girl (flirtatiously): Hi Eric.
Eric: Hey.
Girl: You're just saying that.
[...]
Same Smashed Girl, ten minutes later, eating furtively: I can taste the nonfat in this.
Guy: I mean, for all my twisted shit, I've never been attracted to little boys... I mean, legitimately!
Boy: I have to decide, you know, whether or not I want to socially exclude someone.
Girl: Yeah, I know, totally.
Guy 1: I'm a visual learner. If I see something done, I feel like I can do it better myself.
Guy 2: Like when you saw the man-gina scene in [i]Silence of the Lambs[/i]. You were like 'I can do that!'
Guy 1: I just wanted to tell you, our friendship is like peeing my pants: everyone can see it, but only I can feel the warmth.
Guy 2: I don't think we've met.
Random person: That guy is a gigantic tool.
Earnest Asian Girl: I always hear tool. What is tool mean? Last night I tried to look it up, but I cannot find precise definition.
Professor: What do you think the average depth of the ocean is?
Student: 50,000 miles?
Guy 1: Do I look like a bitch?
Guy 2: (quickly) Yes.
Guy 1: Well, then why do you gotta- wait. Oh.
Female Ivy member to bickeree: Now tell this Cottage member three things you hate about her club.
Bickeree: But-- but I don't know three Cottage members!
Nass Editor 1: I'll be crushed if
I don't win the Rhodes.
Nass Editor 2: We'll all be
crushed if we don't win the
Rhodes.
Ivy Club Member: I stopped smoking pot when I realized everything I wanted from pot I got from valium.
First Girl: Do you think that I have a beer gut?
Second Girl: Well...it's a good thing that you're getting control of it now.
(Awkward Silence)
First Girl: Maybe I'm just eating too much.
Second Girl: No, it's the beer.
Drunk Theta 1: I just don't know who I'm going to walk home with. Rachel and Ben, and Chloe and Mike...
Drunk Theta 2: Well listen to me; I have to take Stephie home, so I won't be hooking up with anyone tonight unless I can do something about that.
Girl watching porn: Wow...it's just like yoga.
Ivy upperclassman hugging
new member in tears: You
finally belong now! For the first
time, you finally belong now!
Prof. Borneman: We need to be
aware of the proximity of the
cocks!
Man reflecting on his recent
haircut: I feel so much lighter,
so much more open -- like a
shaved pussy.
The ship continued her voyage
to Corinth, but a dolphin picked
up Glaucus, of Chios, who
invented the art of welding, and
carried him on its back to Taenarum.
Here Glaucus landed,
and made his way in his singing
costume to Corinth, where he
told the whole story about the
dolphin.
Girl 1: I need to rescue him...
Girl 1 and Girl 2: ...from Jesus.
Jinx!
Pi Phi: I don?t get it. Why do
hot guys come to college if
they?re gay?
President of Terrace: And in celebration of Dare to Care, new member Steve Sasson has agreed to be tased (tases Steve Sasson)
Guy on iPhone: Yeah, they took my ID. Oh well. At least I have a new reason to hate America.
Guesser 1: Trophy Wife!
Guesser 2: Wait, I thought the clue was “person”.
Girl 1: It’s about chickens trying to escape and Mel Gibson tries to convert them.
Girl 2: So...it’s like real life.
Girl: Where are you staying tonight?
Parent: The Courtyard Marriott.
Girl: The COURTYARD Marriott? That’s so ghetto.
Girl: I mean if he only lets me see his limited profile then he probably doesn’t want to bang me anytime soon.