Two weeks ago, the October 4 issue of the Nassau Weekly ran a cover lamenting the entirely fictional passing of Juergen Habermas. While our last issue intended to remedy what was supposed to be a humorous presentation of our lack of journalistic integrity, we realize that what is needed is ...

1. The popular Dirty Southern rap term "Crunk" has it's origin in the early 1960s. Jewish pharmacist's would ask young men "bist du krank?" or "are you sick?" when they purchased a dozen bottles of cough syrup. Presumably, the young men answered "yes, I am krank."
2. Diane ...

Dr. Doris Kearns Goodwin
c/o Elizabeth Hayes
Simon & Schuster, Inc.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020

We wish to apologize for an error in our last issue. Jurgen Habermas is not, in fact, dead. He is alive and well. Not only this, but Gilles Deleuze, famed French anarcho-philosopher, is no longer dead. Upon reading our illustrative magazine, both intellectual heavyweights have agreed to write their own ...

Due to a lack of any outer walls, a profusion of windows and the flammability of the complex (most inner surfaces are wood, not stone, no sprinkler system), a sufficiently swift and chaotic attack against Whitman could be successful with a force significantly smaller than the population (500 students).
Primary ...

Cinema

It would seem the mad dash to fill the Nass’s literary issue might best warrant a clandestine mafia negotiation; by this logic, the editors (in fedoras and spats, sure, and affecting a Sicilian shtick) would send out coercive e-mails to campus literary types, who would know better than to ...

Jess is the President of her campus’s pro-choice group, Rider University Vox. She has also been moonlighting as a saleswoman for a sex toy company since January. Pink pro-choice posters hung behind the display table last Friday night in the Terrace library, where she had arranged a mélange of dildos, vibrators, bottles, and anal beads for her sex toy demonstration.

Since the advent of the internet, the intimacy that we feel with our pop songs has changed. When content is so utterly customizable, taste is automatically effected; musical taste can now be articulated in a broad spectral slate of enumerations—the hyper-textual urge to craft for yourself a sort of ...

So we’ve all seen Rob Biederman’s egg-hunt email. It got us to thinking…what if the USG reconceived every important holiday? A few ideas:

I’m a sweet voice,
I’m a big commission,
I’m composer’s choice,
I’m a fresh rendition,
A grand premier, a higher sphere, a call for more,
A Caruso, a gracious nod, a last encore,
A curtain call, a concert hall, a latest thing, a star&#8213 ...

You know what we’re bored of? Everything that isn’t a Nassau Weekly Lifestlyes Issue. But a Nassau Weekly Lifestyles Issue, now that, that is something we can get excited about!
You might be asking: what are these new-fangled lifestyles? Do I have one? Is this issue about me ...

It is the most dangerous game in Panama - one where the hunter always becomes the hunted.” It was to these words of wisdom that I clinked my glass in preparation for my imminent discovery of those gargoyle-like beasts—the type one would only expect to see hanging off of the ...

Q: What is a solipsist?
A: Why are you asking me this? You know what a solipsist is.