WALL STREET: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS
Having been cryogenically frozen at the end of Wall Street, Kirk “Michael” Douglas has returned to wreak havok on this new, technologically advanced century with ’80s know-how and slick suspenders. As any movie buff would know, this premise is a direct rip-off of Jason X, the one where Jason kills people on a space ship instead of next to a lake.

OUR FAMILY WEDDING
Are we so quick to forget the lessons of West Side Story? Latinos and blacks are natural enemies. When they fall in love, their families will inevitably feud, and it will be sassy as hell. YOU KNEW THIS WHEN YOU STARTED DATING, ATTRACTIVE INTERRACIAL COUPLE. YOU MUST HAVE.

REPO MEN
Repo Men is about a guy who does a thing with a partner in a dystopian future who fucks up that thing and then has to fight against his partner and, indeed, the whole of society, for the sake of truth. You might remember this movie as District 9, Equilibrium, the video game Haze, Avatar, Minority Report, Fahrenheit 451, Logan’s Run and The Giver.

The Major Motion Picture is, along with presidential elections and natural disasters, one of the few events still capable of giving our fragmented culture a sense of unity, brief though it may be. The buzz surrounding the release of such a movie, the "countdown" widgets and the midnight showings, speak ...

As Avatar gradually accrued its second billion dollars in the last few weeks, coverage of the film itself (rather than its receipts) sank from complacent praise to idle speculation. Was the film racist? Well, accidentally. Is there going to be a sequel? Sources say! And how about that sex scene ...

Both of them are B and T-ers who regularly retreat to New York to escape the banality of their suburban existences, and, of course, both of them are music junkies with the same rad taste in sweet tunes.

But in Choke, Victor's hapless flounderings through sex and love are more reminiscent of the simple comedy that gets Judd Apatow films good ratings, and perhaps that's some indication that a protagonist's quest for a fulfilling relationship is more than enough of an issue for any film to tackle.