Recently, The Candie’s Foundation, which works to educate America about the dangers of teen pregnancy, released a public service announcement featuring Bristol Palin and Mike “The Situation.” In this two-minute video, the pop icons discuss the necessity for safe sex, as related to both abstinence and condoms. At the end, The Situation announces the Candie’s Foundation’s delightfully euphemistic slogan: “Pause before you play.” Here are some of the slogans the Candie’s Foundation rejected:
Wait before you mate.
Take heed before you breed.
Postpone before you bone.
Take five before you jive.
Bag it before you shag it.
Glove it before you love it.
Veil it before you rail it.
Fumble before you rumble.
Coffee break before you eat the cake.
Be a boy scout when you in and out.
Do your duty before you tap the booty.
Imagine you’re a mommy before he hides the salami.
Don’t procreate when you fornicate.
Don’t be “maladroit-us” when you engage in coitus.
Just the tip? You must equip.
Being bored is no cause to fast-forward.
It’s tough to rewind after you grind.
Ensure your boys can’t swim before she pumps that limb.
Cover dat putz before you get up in dem gutz.
Rubber her before you rub her.
Common sense before biblical sense.
As you round the base, be sure to encase.
It’s ok to be fickle when you slap and tickle.
Put your brain to use before you seduce.
Have some class before you tap that ass.
Clothe the banana before you rock the cabana.
Don’t be a bimbo as you’re steaming the window.
Picture Bristol before you whip out the pistol.
Go too far; be a “Dancing Star.”
When you’re about to score, remember the Shore.
Tame your libido lest you wind up a guido.
Take in the man heat; keep out the gamete.
Don’t let the big O stand for embryO.
Slip on a raincoat; prevent a zygote.
Wreckless lovin; bun in the oven.
Careless cavort; child support.
When contraception’s a maybe, picture a baby.
A moment’s frustration can be nine months gestation.
Envision 3 am feedings when you spread your seedlings.
Dumb and horny; surprise “firstborn-y.”
Put on a smock as you whip out the c**k.
Don’t test your luck when you decide to f**k.