Hi there, Great to see you too. No, we were here for break. And you? Oh – you went to Cozumel/Bali/Tahiti? No wonder you’re so tan. And tall. Oh, yeah, you were tall before break. Guess we’ll be seeing you around then. Yeah, you too.
Tired of that conversation? We are. No worries, though. We have the solution! This week’s issue! It’s fun, new and fresh – not unlike that coconut milk you had in Barbados. Or didn’t, because you were stuck in Firestone, Marquand or the E-Quad slaving away at your independent work. In this issue we have many things to quench your procrastinatory thirst. Anthony Audi sits down and goes places (in a car) with Green Party presidential candidate Ralph Nader ’55. Amelia Salyers, Thesis Writer, takes on a Lord-of-the-Rings-esque odyssey through Firestone in search of a place to nap. And, we have the long-awaited Ha masterpiece, “Untitled” gracing the Back Page.
In the wider world, in case you missed it while huddling over your computer on the B-Floor, the nation’s 5th largest investment bank, Bear Stearns, swooned right into the arms of rival JPMorgan Chase to the tune of $10 per share – wiping out billions of dollars of shareholders’ savings and leaving the financial world (and beyond) reeling. We’re still thanking Career Services for steering us toward consulting. The death toll for American armed forces in Iraq reached 4,000 while Elliot Spitzer stepped down the New York governorship in ignominy and shame after playing “Just the Tip” (and probably more) with a pricey call girl. Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama gave, in our minds, one of the most eloquent and moving speeches on race that our generation may ever hear. You should check it out – even if you just read the transcript (can be found on nytimes.com). But, most importantly, and we know you all tuned in for this, Bret Michaels, star of VH1’s Rock of Love II sent Megan home. Finally, we know.
And vote for the Single Kid Issue! We’ll have the run-off ballot for you next week.
Keep on keepin’ on,
Max, Chris, and Colin