We’re proud of this issue and it’s all for you—our lovely, even-keeled readers—and so we hope you like it too. Please feel free to browse at your leisure, or, if you’re not in the mood to do that, feel free to read every article thoroughly in order to send us a list of all of the spelling errors you find (hint: there are 46). Seeing as most of us are too good-looking to get laid, we have decided to turn to our resident Sexpert this week in the hopes of finally getting some knowledge (getting some knowledge) about sex and lust and why none of us can stop buzzing. After reading the column, one of our writers reported that she finally located her nipples, so you can only imagine the excited energy running through the Nass office right now as we all try to fun our fun buttons together.
If your taste runs a bit more PG, we are also offering our very first advice column from Smart Sally, as Wise Wendy is on sabbatical and Creepy Caleb really grossed us out with that off-color remark he made about stethoscopes and Listerine. Once you’re sure you’ve gotten your head fully out of the gutter, you should check out Stephen Martis’ article on the overwhelmingly popular Kiddie Lit class, or Patricia Valderrama’s overwhelmingly popular article on _Lost_, the television show. We have also published an excerpt from Shawn Fennell’s senior thesis play, trailer reviews from the dashing Dan Abromowitz, and an excerpt from Felipe Cabrera’s article about _Wild Animus_ (we say “excerpt” here because the bastard won’t let us print the first three words of the article— he won’t even show them to us!). Conor Gannon also weighs in on _Wild Animus_ this week, and it’s a real fatty. Also, check out some new courses for this semester, exclusively advertised in this issue.
Although we love our Nass family, we are always looking to expand—mostly because we have not found yet that perfect child who is a combination of Mariah Carey and Nigel from _The Wild Thornberrys_. So please, come by a Nass meeting soon! Even though you never call or write, we still sit there in the dark on Thursdays at 5:30 in the Terrace Library (second floor of Terrace) waiting for you, so you might as well drop by and say Hi. Otherwise, please do send all comments, complaints and compliments at email@example.com.
And, lastly but most importantly, Happy Valentine’s Day! We hope you have someone to be in love with, but if you don’t, we have offered up the Nass’ resident boyfriend James Van der Beek to get you through this part of February. He’s yours to look at for the whole week and you can say a thing or two to his face (even if it’s kind of dirty), but he doesn’t like touching yet so we recommend you take that part nice and slow. Enjoy!
All of our love,