So we’ve all seen Rob Biederman’s egg-hunt email. It got us to thinking…what if the USG reconceived every important holiday? A few ideas:

I’m a sweet voice,
I’m a big commission,
I’m composer’s choice,
I’m a fresh rendition,
A grand premier, a higher sphere, a call for more,
A Caruso, a gracious nod, a last encore,
A curtain call, a concert hall, a latest thing, a star&#8213 ...

You know what we’re bored of? Everything that isn’t a Nassau Weekly Lifestlyes Issue. But a Nassau Weekly Lifestyles Issue, now that, that is something we can get excited about!
You might be asking: what are these new-fangled lifestyles? Do I have one? Is this issue about me ...

When I was eleven, I visited Glastonbury Abbey, one of the top contenders for the title of “final resting place of King Arthur and Queen Guinevere.” At the time, my main sources of King Arthur knowledge were a high-school theatre production of Camelot, and First Knight, a film starring Richard ...

They say that to be a great writer, you have to kill your liver. Or, preferably, yourself. To paraphrase Tolstoy’s old saw: happiness is banal; misery, unique. But do you really have to feel at odds with the world to write?

“We, um, mention some of this in our catalog,” Art History Professor Yoshiaki Shimizu told the unsought crowd of 40-plus people clustered around him in the gallery of his just-opened show at the Japan Society on Friday afternoon. Since he and his co-curators Yukio Lippit and Greg Levine had worked ...

I always wanted a twin. I wanted us to dress in identical outfits and play tricks on our teachers. I wanted to have a crazy psychic bond and a secret language, and I wanted to feel pain when my twin got hurt. I wanted to be Mary-Kate and Ashley and ...

In a word: fucking awesome. Three hours and 11 minutes of sheer glory in the form of people killing people and saying cool shit and blowing stuff up. Did I mention zombies and girl power? One darksome eve we pilgrims five set out upon a long road of black asphalt ...

Jean/Gene Beebe ’10 was taken aback when I contacted her. “I'm curious as to how you found out about me, and why you want to interview me,” she writes in an e-mail, adding in parentheses: “(Unfortunately, in this socially conservative climate, I get quite a bit of faux ...

Given the impenetrable penumbra of mystery surrounding the secret letter from the Center for Jewish Life (CJL) to President Shirley Tilghman about the Chabad Affair, one may question the current adequacy of the support for Jewish life at Princeton. Though Princeton may overtly seem a welcoming environment for Jews, recent ...

I love me some baby Jesus.
Mmm, hmmm. A little baby Jesus.
Yummy.
But say the baby Jesus grew up and that after graduating from Nazareth High, he went to Princeton with the aid of our progressive financial aid program to make up for the money that he didn’t ...

The assertion “I’m not really religious, but I’m spiritual” generally serves its purpose. My devout Christian friends are silenced, and the rest of the religious conversationalists generally nod their heads in agreement. “Yeah, me too,” several agree. “I’m spiritual, just not religious.” Some might add that they ...

The first thing they do when they get your freshman rooming preferences is they throw them in the trash. They just dump them right in, piles of them crunched up and discarded until that great big bin is brimming full with them. And then – then the real thing starts. They shut the blinds and dim the lights. They lock the office door. And finally, when everybody’s seated, when everyone is ready, they begin to assemble the hell that is our roommate pairings, exhibiting all the tact and skill of a television writing staff as they concoct these garish personal sitcoms that recall either Perfect Strangers or, for the more unfortunate, No Exit.

There are mannequins coming out of the ceiling. That is the first thing you notice when you walk into the Paper Moon diner. There are mannequins tangled in ceiling fans with garlands of ivy. There are Barbie dolls and action figure heads glued to the walls. There are old alabaster ...

A man, Dave
A dog, Charlie
A woman, Alice

—no dialogue is audible—

The action opens on a bright sunny spring day on a residential street of a bustling city. Music: chipper.