Jewish Woman: Oy, what those penguins had to go through!
Guy 1: My stepdad built one of those empire state buildings for his train set...(pregnant pause)....because he doesn't have a job.
SOPHOMORE THETA: What's a person who works at a bakery called again?
SOPHOMORE MEN'S LAX PLAYER: A baker...?
SOPHOMORE THETA: Oh yeah!
JUNIOR THETA: (shouting across store, holding muffin): Hey guysss, anyone want a bite of my muff?
Cottage Girl 1: How'd your night end up?
Cottage Girl 2: Uh...I think I got raped.
Cottage Girl 1: Oh my God, what are you going to do?
Cottage Girl 2: Well, I would press charges, but the sex was really good.