Stressed soph: I'm gonna make some spreadsheets so I feel less overwhelmed.
Outsider about insider: She goes to late meal every day. She's that rich.
Terrace senior: I am a serial misgenderer.
Grandmother: I’m really into reading the obituary section. . . There isn’t much else in the Miami Herald
Gay humanist junior: Wow, the professor literally just mansplained us the syllabus for 80 minutes.
Senior philosophy major: As a baby, I couldn't fall asleep unless I was listening to Wagner.
PDP junior: Ladybugs are scarier than we give them credit for.
Socialite, stepping into driver’s seat of Audi A3: I was really nervous about driving in a foreign country, but now I feel better because I just… I know this car.
Ivy senior, on family values: My Thanksgiving dinners are always Michelin starred.
Princeton graduate, thesis prize winner: All my memories I remember in my mind.
Freshman girl: I’d be such a lax bro. Such a dick.
Insta-gay consulting sellout: Every guy I've ever had sex with is in my econ class… and it's stressful.
Nass contributor: You have a little oppressor living in your heart and her name is Omarosa Manigault Newman.
Girlfriend, to boyfriend, making a move: Can’t we just hold hands like we’re elderly?
Woman: Do you know what Club Penguin is?
Uber-WASP: Is that in New York?
Soft gay male: I feel like… I could pass as a butch lesbian.
Frosh 1: I drank two beers this morning.
Frosh 2: Just cus?
Frosh 1: Yeah.
Frosh 2: That’s sick.
USG junior: I'm already blind. I worked in Hollister for two years.