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October 7, 2018

Verbatim

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Overheard in a common room

Stressed soph: I'm gonna make some spreadsheets so I feel less overwhelmed.

Overheard at Jadwin

Outsider about insider: She goes to late meal every day. She's that rich.

Overheard at Ivy

Terrace senior: I am a serial misgenderer.

Overheard in Florida

Grandmother: I’m really into reading the obituary section. . . There isn’t much else in the Miami Herald

Overheard in Frist

Gay humanist junior: Wow, the professor literally just mansplained us the syllabus for 80 minutes.

Overheard in Terrace

Senior philosophy major: As a baby, I couldn't fall asleep unless I was listening to Wagner.

Overheard on the Street

PDP junior: Ladybugs are scarier than we give them credit for.

Overheard In car rental station abroad

Socialite, stepping into driver’s seat of Audi A3: I was really nervous about driving in a foreign country, but now I feel better because I just… I know this car.

Overheard in Ivy

Ivy senior, on family values: My Thanksgiving dinners are always Michelin starred.

Overheard in New York

Princeton graduate, thesis prize winner: All my memories I remember in my mind.

Overheard in Cottage bathroom

Freshman girl: I’d be such a lax bro. Such a dick.

Overheard during Siesta

Insta-gay consulting sellout: Every guy I've ever had sex with is in my econ class… and it's stressful.

Overheard at Nomad

Nass contributor: You have a little oppressor living in your heart and her name is Omarosa Manigault Newman.

Overheard in bed

Girlfriend, to boyfriend, making a move: Can’t we just hold hands like we’re elderly?

Overheard in Iowa

Woman: Do you know what Club Penguin is?
Uber-WASP: Is that in New York?

Overheard off campus

Soft gay male: I feel like… I could pass as a butch lesbian.

Overheard during Columbia’s orientation week

Frosh 1: I drank two beers this morning.
Frosh 2: Just cus?
Frosh 1: Yeah.
Frosh 2: That’s sick.

Overheard in the U-Store

USG junior: I'm already blind. I worked in Hollister for two years.