Journalism intern: You're a different person now.
Investment banking intern: I'm the same person. Just with more Excel shortcuts.
Bridge year alum, yelling: IS TOFU EVEN INDIAN??!
Princeton graduate, analyst: Yeah I really like my job! I had to teach some guy how to recycle yesterday and that was tough, but I really like it so far!
Banker: Are there any hot guys in your summer analyst class?
Ivy girl/Reproductive Justice fighter: PHEROMONES!!!
Literary SWUG: I love having a youthful body. Even if nobody touches it, it's like, a museum piece.
Junior Slavic Major: My mom has this coupon for falconry…
Woman: Hey, it's fine, you're not making out with his morals.
St A's junior, wistfully: T-Pain was my musical awakening.
Caption: are you actually homeless?
Journalist, incensed: are you slut-shaming Yo-Yo Ma?
Ivy Senior: Eventually, all roads lead back to Greenwich.
Man, humming: Dick so big it's like a foot is in your mouth.
Tindering bro: I'm telling you, she was Catholic a month ago.
Doppelganger of old man from Up: As I said, I am going to pester you about Instagram. I have friends from all over the world on Instagram! I want you to join me on Instagram.
Shere Khan senior: All I want is to be the kind of guy who is taken to the Met Gala.
Junior Upper West Sider, looking at pictures of a Debutante Ball: I can't look at this. It's three child brides.
Yung Marxist: Honestly, the Great Depression is a seriously underrated event.
Woman 1: It's crazy how easy it is to have a civil, friendly meal with people you profoundly dislike.
Woman 2, cheerfully: That's the magic of TI!
Apes bro, scrolling through newsfeed: What are 5 foods that kill testosterone? If guacamole’s on this I'm so fucked.